Of sleet and storm
by xQueen Nothingx
Summary: Rota was marooned on Woodfall, enslaved by an unknown being that governs the planet through a religious system. When McCoy kills the one who holds Rota prisoner, she is bound to him by the abilities that are now part of her. Rota must now bring her former captain to justice and deal with her bond to McCoy.
1. Of Sleet And Storm

Many thanks to Keimen and Kai! I appreciate all the help and encouragement you have given me!

This chapter has been beta'd by Chika Croi, another beta version should be up soon. Many thanks to her! Concrit welcome =]

**Chapter One**

**Of Sleet and Storm**

The dim light of the chamber in which they were keeping me flickered and bobbed, making my stomach churn. The torchlight was crude, but the planet I was stranded on hadn't developed electricity yet. I could hear the drums outside, their players beating ferociously in some sort of frenzy. The priests will be taking on their trance states, and soon I will be brought out. This is not new to me. I inwardly lamented the separation from my best friend; the one who has walked beside me for many years. And once more the hot coil of anger at Captain Alexander Albinson rose and I promised myself vengeance once I got off this rock of primitive nightmares. Another wave of nausea flowed over me and I felt my head spin. The one who enslaved me was partaking of the ceremonial drink now. Soon, he would summon me and I will have to take my place in the ritual. Tonight is a special night. It will be the first time that I will play the priestess for a human sacrifice.

The lock in the door makes a harsh noise as the Carals, who posses no latent power like the higher ranking officials in the planet's religious structure, opened the crude structure and surveyed the room.

"I have altered nothing. There are no traps. The magic that binds me holds me as powerfully as it would hold any of your own," I stated, irritation in my voice.

"You used to have such fire, Rota," Aloys said gently before taking my arm.

My tone was smooth and even when I answered, "I still have my fire Aloys. Do you not see how much I have furthered my position? What do you think I shall do if my people come back for me?"

"Rota, do not speak of such things." Caul – brother of Aloys - whispered to me in a warning tone.

"Yes, I am now a priestess of your ways," I said haltingly and started towards the door. Aloys and Caul followed behind me, lighting the proper incense and beginning the chant.

'_My daughter…'_ A forceful presence touched my mind, and it was instantly scattered into chaos. Bits of information flowed through my mind in disjointed segments; a whirlwind that was quickly calmed into one shimmering cord of light that danced before my vision, blocking out everything else.

'_Goddess, mother of life on this planet, I now see your reach! I have not heard your voice since that first day. Why do you come to me now? What is it that I can do for you?_'

Somewhere far away, I could feel myself trembling.

'_I will not allow you to take the life of the woman being prepared as I speak to you, daughter.'_

Relief washed over me, and then fear. Though the people of Woodfall had absorbed me, they still held tight to their suspicions. More gifted than any native priestess, they believe me a neutralized enemy that posed a very real danger. If I dispute a long-standing tradition, my word will be questioned immediately. In their ritual frenzy, I could end up being punished or worse, used as the sacrifice myself. Is this the will of the goddess?

'_Fear not my daughter, for your time has not yet come to pass. Another starship will come for you this day. All you need do is delay the sacrifice until your people arrive. When you are gone she will take your place, and lead the people to a more gentle way.'_

At this I smiled.

'_Thank you, She-Who-Bore-The-People. I am grateful for your kindness during my time on your planet.'_

And just as suddenly as the vision came, it was over, and the ritual was at its start. I was looking down a pathway lined with painted bodies that ended in a magnificent throne. Made out of golden stone that shimmered blue in the light, its presence stroked fear into the hearts of its enemies. The matron of our large brood sat proudly atop it, with her faithful manservant always at her side. The evil one; my captor.

The mark of our binding stood out boldly on his pale skin, for he wore only coverings on his legs fashioned out of animal hide. The curling vine that snaked its way across his ribs from the indent of his pelvis was flowerless, showing that I was currently occupying my psychical form, and not withdrawn into his being. It would give me much satisfaction to carve the mark from his skin, the mark of my enslavement. The drums vibrated through the ground and tightened the knot of fear that persisted in my chest, despite the words of the goddess. God or not, her powers reach far and she has instilled them deep within these people; in me. The ceremonial goblet is placed in my hands, and I felt the familiar sting of the acrid aroma. Within seconds, the liquid was consumed.

"Goddess, we give you thanks for the life you have sown here," the matron called, the drums beating a wild tempo before tapping out into a patter. "Goddess, we invite you to walk with us this day as your newest daughter becomes one of us." I closed my eyes briefly as I felt the hot liquid spread throughout my body. It will all be over soon. I tried to reassure myself, but the tea was already taking effect and the colors of my vision started to distort, forming rolling patterns. "Your wisdom has guided us well this year and we give thanks!" A goat bleated as its throat was slit, and the blood made a sick sound on the stones beneath it. Suddenly, my senses were slammed open and the energy of the world unfolded before my eyes. Foreign names passed through my mind, names for the things I saw but from a different place and time, now and the future, changing but constant.

"A good festival this year eh? Looks like it'll be easy pickins' with the fair folk!" the gruff voice of a villager called out from somewhere behind me. A jumble of emotions and thoughts threatened to overwhelm me, bits of the lives of all in attendance. Hot coals were laid out for me to walk up on, and I had to struggle against the haze of the drug to walk over them without falling. Keeping in mind the word of the goddess, I went as slow as I dared.

"This servant willingly sacrifices herself so that you may continue to share your prosperity with Woodfall."

Stumbling, I looked up while trying to find my balance. The world spun and faces whirled past my vision, thoughts and feelings attached to each one. I tried to put another foot in front of me but it felt like I was locked in my mind, a world apart from my body.

'_Remember Rota! It will be over soon. Just force yourself to do this like you force yourself to do what needs to be done any other time. Just keep going, it's all you can do, and take things as they happen.'_

"Your gifted priestess will deliver her unto you, so that may partake of her soul and walk beside us on this day."

My self-reassurances seemed to be the only thing keeping me on my feet now. Each step seems to take an hour, but the crowd cheers on. I know that it is only minutes, but that insight seems only to slow time in this strange mental prison. The woman to be sacrificed is laid in front of the throne, and the woman's thoughts instantly jump to my mind.

'_At least I will die by her hand and not the matron's. I wish this wasn't happening, this was never the way of the goddess before!' _she thought. _F_ear slammed into me harsh and sharp, racing and wild. I reached out to her from my far away place, to her in her own terrible dungeon.

'_The goddess spoke to me; it is not her will that you die this day,' _I tell her. Hope, happiness, relief, so strong and sweet I felt tears well up and pour over my eyes. I am crying from emotions that are not my own, so overwhelmed by hers that it seemed she would overtake me.

'_Is this some sort of trick? I will never be free of the matron,' _She replied, the hope quickly replaced with resolution and a grim hope for a better afterlife.

'_No, you are to carve your own existence, the goddess wishes you to restore her light to the land. Give the people back all the things the matron stole from them. Their pride, peace, their loving ways and scholarly pursuits.'_

Suddenly an ear splitting grin crossed my face and I began to laugh uncontrollably. The people around me seem to think it is normal, so I am relieved.

'_The time is upon you, daughter.' _The goddess touched my mind in warning at the same instant three figures energized from aboard their starship. Knowing that I had to get the woman to safety, I ran towards her as best I could, for the swirling patterns dominating my vision made it hard to perceive what was around me. The woman latched onto my arm, and soon we were running past the throne and the shocked matron, past the guards distracted by the Starfleet officers that had energized amongst their sacred ceremony. The shrubbery pulled and cut our skin, and soon I fell over as a wave of vertigo took over me.

"No, we must get away!" the woman yelled.

"My freedom lies with the men who have interrupted the sacred rite that starts the festival of life." I laughed again. "What is your name?"

"Leah," she replied cautiously, looking behind me for any pursuers.

"Leah, I wish you well. Go where you may." I locked gazes with her, and she gave me a grateful nod.

"I owe you my life, High Priestess Rota," she acknowledged respectfully before taking flight to the forest that held the many pockets of settlements that comprised our village.

Voices and bodies crashing through the brush of the field behind the throne rang in my ears, and as I struggled to regain my feet I felt the summons of he who has imprisoned me. He was near, and drawing closer. It was difficult to walk, the winding bushes and small plants catching my feet and skirts.

"Finally free...of you and your curse. The matron, she does not believe..." he was muttering, drawing a knife. Escape was obviously futile as he drew close, eyes wide and mouth contorted into some unknown terrible shape.

'_I WILL wake up again. I WILL hold onto life!'_ I think fiercely before I am pulled into blackness.


	2. Vengeance Halted

Chapter 2: Vengeance halted

Lights appeared before my vision, sudden flashes that pierced the red of my eyelids and caused me pain. Familiar smells hit my nose and a feeling of normalcy overcame me, though I found myself battling the mental fog through my ascent to consciousness. As I rose from a black space between consciousness and subconsciousness, I became aware of the increasing beep of a life support machine. That was my pulse! I thought with pride. My heart, the strong reassuring beats the way they always have been. I am no weakling. With that thought in mind, I shoved harder to pierce the fog. Aches slammed into me as I regained control of my body. I could feel the protests of my limbs, muscles stressed and then inactive, eyelids almost glued shut. My arm felt like concrete as I clumsily swiped the salt from my eyes.

"Oh, shes awake!" I heard a female say from somewhere in the room. I forced myself to sit up and surveyed the whole medical ward. The captain was standing next to a nurse, and there were some more patients scattered across the bed. No doctor in sight, not even a replacement if the chief got taken out in the battle. _The battle._ The whole planet was probably consumed in war, as there are few places warm enough for humans to live. The five main forces have been threatening each other for, some natives told me, decades. I groaned and laid back in bed.

"Strange." I started, the words feeling alien on my tongue, which seemed to be made out of cotton. "Strange there would be no doctor." My tone was barely a whisper, but I forced it to be even and strong. There was still a haze around my mind, and it swam as I moved. Drugs. I cursed and summoned my strength. There are good times and bad times to be high, and this was a bad time. Strange ship, strange captain, and not knowing what my former captain had said happened to me made my situation precarious and dangerous.

"No! You should not move yet! Doctor McCoy said..." The nurse started but I swatted her away.

"Don't be so annoying, you need to uphold the image of a woman." I said, holding onto a nearby bed and knocking some items over on a table. Whatever they had given me was making me feel groggy and sluggish. Sometimes fully aware and sometimes like my body is distant, in a painless cloud. At least there was one good thing.

"Please, officer Janda, we must insist you rest." the captain spoke, his voice deep and commanding. Well, he did lead his crew to save me. I gave him my best steel stare and readied my voice.

"I want to talk to you with a clear mind. I will answer your questions. Has the doctor done an analysis on my body yet?" I asked, wondering if the forces on the planet had changed anything around in there. I bet they had.

"Yes. We were hoping you could explain more to us about that. I am Captain Kirk, of the U.S.S. Enterprise. We were the ones that rescued you from that planet. The file starfleet has on you states that you had died with other members of your landing party." Kirk stated, eying me suspiciously to gauge my reaction. It was a little overboard, but its a captain's burden I guess.

"Thank you. Do you have brandy and a quiet place to sit? I think I need a moment to orient myself." I requested. So Albinson had told everyone that I was dead. Kara probably took it hard, and he was there for her the whole way. My stomach rolled over and lurched. All the love, longing, happy memories, and outrage started to play out, making my vision swim. Kara, my best friend since childhood. We joined starfleet together, studied together, adventured together. The nurse lead me from the room and I turned myself over to images from the past.

_I was as hard as stone against the bitter wind. Warmed inwardly by rage, at the cowardice and failure of the captain. His desire to violate the prime directive for something as trivial as diamonds and other riches this planet held. It seemed to be barbaric enough, and the indigenous inhabitants have chased us north until night descended. Nestled in my body, surrounded by my warmth was Captain Albinson, the sniveling heap of crap that mattered a great deal to the one I cared for most. I reached stiff fingers from somewhere underneath the silvery emergency thermal blanket, thank science for that, and I pressed the record button on my personal log, the last device functioning._

_"__Personal log, this is Rota. I believe that I am going to die here, trying to save a rogue captain who has violated the prime directive. I hope my sister can forgive his crimes, so that my death not be in vain. No, he has to survive to be a father to her child. If we both die, I want it noted that he not only interfered with the indigenous life, but armed them with phasers. He deliberately cut communication with the ship, and we have missed our rendezvous. The rest of our party is now dead, killed by the native humanoids with their own phasers, for the captain hadn't counted on treachery. This planet is rich in diamonds, and our scans have shown there are many more desirable mineral and ore deposits. He had hoped to make a private mining deal. This-" I was cut off by Albinson's mumbled words._

_"__Albinson...wake up. Do you remember anything that happened to you?" I asked, prodding the man in the face._

_"__R-" he struggled at first, "Rota...the natives of Woodfall 19x...they attacked me..." he started._

_"__Yes, because you told them that it didn't matter what decision they made, you would take their planet by force if need be." I said dryly. He tried to turn to look at me, tried to free himself from the little pocket of warmth I had built. "No! Don't move Captain. I'm sure you can feel the cold somewhat. You will condemn us both if you move now."_

_"__Oh Rota, you always were a perceptive one. I shouldn't have taken you with the landing party, but Kara insisted. She said that you have a record of acting swiftly in danger, and after I requested someone from linguistics, you were the best choice. Which left me with none."_

_"__You better watch your mouth. I am the one keeping you alive. I wasted my phaser keeping us warm. If you hadn't lost yours, we would be fine. Captain." I shot back, anger bringing my bodily discomfort to the front of my mind and I attempted to shift around for a more comfortable position. The captain's fiery hair pushed its way obtrusively into my face and his personal scent hit my nose, making my stomach turn. I laughed inwardly at how one's emotions can cloud the senses. To Kara, his hair is a comforting and safe scent. To me it is sickly sweet, the stench of a rotten heart._

_"__No! I am your captain! You will follow my orders. We must not speak of the events that transpired here. I will tell the crew that the native species is too hostile but shows promise for an advanced society. I will maintain no interference, and we shall monitor their development. Do you understand?"_

_"__I understand that you are trying to cover up your own greed. You broke the law Albinson. You have to pay the same as any man or woman!" I cried, forgetting that my mouth was directly in his ear. He stood suddenly and bore down on me with a phaser, power on. Rage whipped through me. He had said he was helpless, that the matron had taken his phaser._

_"__I will not allow that to happen." he said determinedly, the chill wind whipping his face. I clutched the small thermal blanket tighter around me and stared at what might well be my death._

_"__Kara would never forgive you if she found out you killed me. This is your last chance. If we make it through the night the ship will pick us up on its next rendezvous. You will have to face justice but Kara would understand you were trying to provide a wonderful life for her and your baby together. She would understand the pressure of parenthood. Hell, shes carrying the baby after all! Please. I'm begging you to see reason. No more lives need to end this day!" My tone was stern, and I felt awkward speaking so to the Captain. However, he has proved far less than that on this latest excursion. He seemed to be hesitating at the words I was saying, delaying from the cold. His phaser dropped to the snow and I was quick to pick it up._

_"__You are recording this aren't you? I can see the indicator light on." He looked outraged, "You are lying! This whole time! You were planning on this going straight to Kara's ears..." he shook his head for a second before lunging on me. Tangled in the blanket, I kicked and punched anywhere I found the space. Albinson had the advantage though, and I felt his thick fingers wrap themselves light taught cords about my neck and begin to squeeze the life from me. Within seconds black spots burst across my vision, and at that instant it hit me that this was survival or none. I was not going to die by this worm's hand. He is not worthy of Kara! I must win, for her sake. To make sure she is not in this same position one day!_

_The icy ground upon which we stood was treacherous and I struggled to find purchase with my feet. Shoving in any direction I could, I broke his hold and threw him a few feet in front of me. He landed on his feet and came at me again, grappling me and sending me high into the air to come crashing back down on the ice. Winded, I struggled to regain my breath, but it took to long. Albinson quickly snatched the phaser from its place at my side and held it towards me once again._

_"__I will not lose to someone like you." He declared, which only made me smirk. Wasting no time, I lunged back towards him and avoided the phaser beam. It hit the ground where I stood, and suddenly we were falling. Pieces of land and ice, large and small, danced around us in the air. Not knowing what else to do, I kicked a large piece at the Captain who was staring at me with wide eyes._

_"__THIS IS ALL YOUR FAULT!" I screamed, squeezing my eyes shut and letting all the emotions from the day out in a final tidal wave. At that moment a hard metal object struck me in the face. A communicator! I flicked it open and tuned the dial, but I was too late. My feet struck a surface that gave with such force it sent waves of pain crashing through my body. At the last second I looked up and saw the captain on a ledge, a triumphant smile on his face as the ship beamed him up. The rock on this planet has proven to interfere with our transmissions and censors, and the Black Prince could not lock onto my signal. He had won._

"Officer Janda, the Captain will meet you in this room shortly. Here is the brandy you requested." A woman was saying. I blinked and took in my surroundings, saw the nurse as she left the room and the young attendant looking at me with a polite expression.

"What is your name?" I asked her a little bit abruptly, cringing inside as her body language communicated her discomfort.

"My name is Linda." She said to the ground, which reminded me much of the sister I once had, in another life so long ago I can barely remember anything that I don't need to know for paperwork. But I remember their faces, the faces of my family.

"Thank you very much Linda. I will inform the Captain of your hospitality." I said warmly, though it did little to change her demeanor.

"Thank you Officer Janda." She said politely before excusing herself. I shook my head and attempted to clear my thoughts. So much has changed in so little time. I vaguely recall the nurse saying I had only been unconscious for one day and that we were still in orbit around Woodfall during our walk to this chamber. If that was the case, my only hope for justice is to convince Captain Kirk of my story and beam back down to the planet's surface to retrieve my personal log. It was the only proof I had of the commander's true self and his blatant disregard for the laws when they got in the way of his personal gain. What if Kara has already gotten in the way? I had to hope that she was okay, despite being led on by that sly manipulator.


	3. Settling The Dust

Chapter 3: Settling the dust

It has been at least two hours since the nurse had left me to this room. The bottle of brandy left for me was over half-way gone, and I felt more calm than I have since the last time I consumed the substance, which was in the absence in the presence of Kara, whom despises alcohol in any form. For now, at least, I thought with a devious smirk. She definitely seemed to like the apple martini I had made for her shortly before our separation. At that thought, a crushing sadness descended upon my heart, threatening the wracking sobs to burst forth once more. Kara is the only family I have. Suddenly the door slid open and Kirk stomped in, body rigid and eyes livid. Like this, I could see how he could intimidate most people. Hell, he could probably intimidate me if the situation was right. It would also be easier if I had more to lose. Well, I guess I had a lot to lose, Kara and my chance to bring Captain Albinson to justice. That is all I had left of the first twenty-three years of my life! This realization sent a wave of shock through me, and suddenly Kirk's expression made me very concerned. I needed him to be smiling! I needed him on my side, for my plight! I had to get my personal log back, or else I will fail Kara, whom I owe my life. I would give anything to see her subdued smile and hear her musical laugh. I deeply wished our last meeting was a better one, one where she was relaxed instead of trying to soothe my anger at a man who had hurt the feelings I had for him.

"Alright Rota, we need answers and we need them now! Seven of my men have gone into a coma like state. Their tongues are swollen and their lips have taken on a greenish tint. I need to know what is causing it and if possible, how it is cured." He dictated in a snappy voice, and my immediate reaction was to rebel. I have always despised people demanding things from me, as if they would make me if I refused.

"Captain I know exactly what is causing it. It is a mild toxin, though it cannot kill no matter how potent you make it. That is the will of the goddess." I said, and stopped there. I could see a million questions flashing before his eyes. His thoughts were interrupted by the doors sliding open once more to reveal a familiar face framed by pointed vulcan ears.

"Commander Spock." I said, holding my hand up in the vulcan fashion.

"Lieutenant Janda, it pleases me to find that you did not perish as Captain Alexander Albinson has indicated." he replied smoothly, returning the gesture.

"Okay Mr. Spock you can catch up on old times later. Right now I want to know who this being you call _The Goddess_ is. You said that the toxin was non lethal, are there any other nasty side effects? How can I be sure you are telling the truth? You seem to have been incorporated into their culture quite thoroughly." Kirk seemed to be genuinely distressed. I vaguely recall hearing good things about him, and I don't believe my memory to be false.

"Well Captain Kirk," I said, giving him an unreadable expression, "Why don't you ask _Commander_ Spock to use his telepathy. It would save us a lot of time. I have known Spock's intrusion before, I know fully what it will be like and I trust him." The captain seemed to ponder this a moment before looking at Commander Spock for his opinion.

"Lieutenant Janda is correct Sir." Spock responded, his face neutral. Kirk nodded his head but still retained the suspicious look in his eyes. Spock approached me and reached a hand out.

"I will relay first everything I know about the toxin to you, Commander Spock. There is a lot more to my survival than you expect, and it may drain your energy to absorb it all." I warned, knowing that it would be a surprise to Captain Kirk and all of starfleet to know the true nature of the pathetic Alexander Albinson.

"Acknowledged Lieutenant. I will now proceed." Spock said mechanically and I rolled my eyes before closing them. A second later I felt Spock's light but firm fingertips and soon, the strong force of his half vulcan mind. It was a little overwhelming at first, and his intrusion caused my thoughts to jumble and lose their clarity. I forced myself to focus and narrow the swirling images to every scrap of knowledge I had of the toxin now affecting Kirk's crew. It was formed from a plant found in the coldest areas the humanoids dare traverse. They call it the serpent plant, because like our own earth serpents have been associated with evil, the morally corrupt. And this plant will bring a man to near death for 34 of earth's hours, one day on Woodfall. Next, I relayed everything that happened between Captain Albinson and myself, trying hard for Spock's sake to keep my emotions subdued. I relayed regaining consciousness on the verge of hypothermia, a woman in her thirties in the room and tending to my needs. I transferred knowledge of the matriarchal society, of the High Priestesses presiding over the planet, each colony had one. Below the High Priestess was her Priests. Men chosen by her own hand and trained hard to be her servants. They are bound to females who show the goddess' favor. When the binding is complete the female receives the ability to heal all her people's wounds provided that they are not fatal. The ability to fight back an infection until the body can regain control. To assist in the healing of broken bones, to take the pain away. But with these gifts come a dark side. If the priestess so chooses she can worsen an infection, make the path to recovery impossible. That is why the binding must be, to protect the peace. The priests are then in turn bound to the land as it's servants and protectors. That is the will of the goddess, that life be valued and preserved, and it is the duty of the priests and priestesses to see to that preservation, and the matron priestess' responsibility to see that they do not falter. But the matrons have now faltered, and all is almost lost.

I relayed that the lifespan of the indigenous people to be that of about a thousand years, though their development seems to be arrested due to their religious system. The being that calls its self the goddess has seen to that in order to create a simple, peaceful paradise. But one matron priestess has turned her back, and is sowing the seeds of destruction. When Captain Albinson put a phaser in her hands, she obliterated another tribe. The other Matron Priestesses thought the goddess had favored her and they too turned their backs on her, forsook her words. Now, with the abilities the goddess has granted them, for she cannot take them back, they rain chaos. I related every sense I had gotten from the goddess, and her communications with me. I showed him her vision of the woman to lead the people into change, to enlighten their minds and evolve as a culture. That she knows that it is time for change. I showed him a vision of the man who I was now bound to, whom I was a part of. Being damaged and hallucinating, I only got a glimpse of him and a slight grasp of him at the moment of merging. A gentlemen who was older than myself, with blue eyes and brown-gray hair. If I concentrate, I can get a sense of his condition and emotional state. I felt astonishment from Spock, and then he withdrew. The captain rushed over to him and helped him into a chair.

"What is it Spock?" he asked, an avid look cast upon his features. Spock merely looked at him calmly as he formulated a response.

"It seems the Lieutenant is not only telling the truth, but has shed light on many questions we have about Woodfall and Captain Albinson's journey there one year ago." his statement was cool, but there was a definite tremble in his voice. Probably shrugging off my residual emotions.

"Can you be sure?" The Captain locked eyes with me, and I did not waver from his gaze.

"Yes, captain. I am quite sure. You see, the chaotic war-like state that suddenly developed on this planet is the doing of Captain Alexander Albinson when he failed to obey the prime directive." Spock explained. Kirk considered this for a moment and seemed to calm his features into a stone mask.

"Will you be able to prove it?" He asked.

"Yes Captain," I spoke, drawing his attention, "You can hear it from his own voice if you can beam me back down to retrieve my personal log." Well, there it was. The thing I needed most was now hanging in the air, ready to crash and burn or fly high and dry. Kirk turned away to regard Spock and a weary silence settled over the group. Spock came to a break in his thoughts and stared at me intently in the eye. I felt a slight telepathic intrusion and let my guard down.

_Rota, I believe the Captain will help you on this, but I must strongly impress upon you that you will only hurt yourself by bringing bodily harm to Albinson. His actions were most unforgivable, and they will be brought to justice. That is one of things Captain Kirk values more than his own life._ I smiled at this and considered his words. I had obviously transferred more than I intended, a side effect of the telepathy.

_It is just an idle fantasy Spock, and I appreciate your reassurances. Your human side showing, though it will inspire your ire to hear so._

_My ire, Lieutenant? A human emotion, most illogical. _Spock raised his eyebrows and gave me a questioning look, inviting me to press the matter further though we both knew it would go nowhere. I simply chuckled and shook my head.

"Lieutenant Janda, you asked me if the doctor had completed an analysis on your physical condition. Why?" Kirk asked in a subdued voice.

"Because I've been altered by a being that guides a whole planet of cult like followers. I want to know how, if it is detectable." I stated. Kirk looked at me for a second with that same steel gaze. He seemed like he might interrogate me further but he was interrupted by Spock.

"Captain, Rota has given me all her knowledge of the planet and it's people. It would be more logical to question myself, as the Lieutenant is in poor physical and mental condition and should report to sick bay immediately. _In sick bay you will find the man you are bound to. He is unaware of what his condition means. I order you to explain it to him in full. I will know if you do not follow orders._

_This man must mean something to you, or you would discuss this further with me before making a decision like that. I know you too well Spock, our minds have touched too many times._

_Indeed. It seems that you have been involved in a large number of incidents in which it is necessary to be sure of the truth._

"Commander Spock, may I inquire as to why you choose to communicate telepathically with the Lieutenant?" Kirk asked in a grumpy tone.

"Yes Captain. I find it a refreshing change from the average human." Spock replied tactfully.

"Very well. We must speak in private council about everything you have learned. Ah, Doctor McCoy, I was beginning to think that you had gotten lost." Jim said teasingly to the man who had just walked through the doors. A man with eyes like bits of sky. I found myself instantly attracted to him, instinct amplified by the bond. I could feel his energy reach out instinctively to mine and I responded with warmth and calm. He was not aware of our circumstances, so my reaction to his unconscious call startled him.

"Is everything alright, Doctor?" Spock asked the man Kirk referred to as Doctor McCoy, though he had locked his gaze with my own.

"Yes Spock, thanks for asking. I just got this peculiar sense..." he began, but Spock interrupted him. Ohhhh Spock, you are rude sometimes.

"Yes Doctor, I understand." he said firmly, breaking our stare.

"You do, do you? Care to explain?" McCoy put him not the hot seat.

"No." was Spock's curt answer, and I had to laugh at the exchange. Spock's interactions always amused me for reasons unknown. I guess its like explaining your preference of media entertainment. A brief reprieve from the anxiety that threatened to swallow me whole. The doctor was looking at me now, and when our eyes met a jumble of images of instruments and formulas assaulted me, relief that he had isolated the toxin and found it to be non-fatal. Anxiety over his newly acquired markings and their significance, for they appeared from nowhere and allude his scanners. Well, I had those answers and am under orders to give them to him. This, I thought sarcastically, is going to be fun.


	4. What Must Happen

Chapter 4: What Must Happen

I followed Doctor McCoy silently down the hallway, going over and over in my head the information that Spock had ordered me to release to the doctor. He was muttering angrily under his breath about Spock and his heritage, though I could sense that he had deep friendship feelings towards the half vulcan. I felt as though my tongue were made of lead, so overcome by where to begin. How to go about telling my bond-mate what exactly the bond is, what it means and could mean. The effects it will have.

"Are you feeling all right Rota?" he asked, pulling out his equipment and scanning me. I swatted his hand down.

"Yes, and I would appreciate it if you didn't scan me with that contraption as often as you would like to. If I am unwell you will know." I said testily, as I had always hated being scanned by the newest and latest medical advances. It suddenly occurred to me that I had not felt this strongly about modern medicine before my unfortunate abandonment on Woodfall. I conceded that modern techniques did have an advantage, they didn't leave knotted scars like the ones that marked various parts of my body.

"Well like it or not if you are going to stay a part of starfleet when this whole adventure is over you are going to have to get used to it." He was quick to snap back. I surveyed him for a second, his words playing through my mind. _When this whole adventure is over._ Yes, what exactly would I do after I bring Captain Albinson to justice? What kind of life has Kara been leading in my absence?There were too many questions, and no time to think of them now. With great effort I pushed them to the back of my mind and focused on the present.

"We shall see." was all I replied, and I let silence hang in the air between us. The doctor looked at me for a second with an unreadable expression and I felt his mind reach out to mine. He was wondering about me, and since he has yet to understand our circumstances, there is a high risk of him activating an aspect of the bond subconsciously.

"Well at any rate, the scanner indicated that your body functions are normal and that your whole system is showing mild signs of stress, but nothing a few good nights of rest won't cure. Its almost the ship's designated time for dinner, so the nurse will see to it that you get everything you need before that happens." McCoy smiled at me kindly and I mustered a smile in return.

"Where does dinner take place?" I asked, not wanting to have to figure it out on my own later. The nurse didn't seem to have the sweetest disposition towards me, so I doubt she would have the foresight to give me the required information.

"We have many recreation rooms with food synthesizers in them. There is one attached to the sick bay or if you're feeling bold I can show you one of my preferred spots...?" McCoy raised an eyebrow and his eyes danced playfully. I felt my heart sink somewhere in the pit of my stomach. He was feeling an attraction towards me because of the bond, because he is unaware and therefor does not know how fine a line he was now walking. It became hard to separate the bond from your own mind. I had to admit that I was attracted to his physical appearance, and the thought of spending time with him appealed to me. Backpedaling from those thoughts, I reassured myself that I was capable of keeping my head straight. But Spock did order me to inform him of everything. He would no doubt be briefed on the situation before we ate dinner, which I was grateful for. It would be hard to break the ice. A pang of sympathy reached me somewhere and the feeling was alien. The doctor was probably confused himself, feeling the fatigue that the initial bond brings about. Not to mention the mark that outlined my personal doorway into a strange place, where I am only conscious energy and in sync with my bond mate. I feel his breath, heart beat, thoughts, feelings while I am in that place. It made my gut curl to remember the scum whom I was originally bound to. A loathsome and fearful man, his one love is the matron. He despised sharing her affections with the other priests, and when the little he received waned when he was bound, his heart turned sour. Thus is the power of jealousy.

"Yes. I would be pleased." I nodded then gave him a serious look. "the vine marking you received on the planet, what have you discovered about it?" I could tell that had taken him aback. He raised an eyebrow and looked at me intensely, as if he just discovered I was an enemy. A natural reaction, but one that is hard to combat.

"You will have your answers. First, Spock will brief you on the situation. Then I will fill in what blanks I can. I just wanted you to hear it from me first, as Spock likes to ignore human feelings. You are in no danger, at least you're not already dying. You are open to new dangers, but now you have five hundred more years to live." I shrugged.

"Lieutenant, please be more clear." Was all he said. I reached out and sensed great curiosity, also paranoia, apprehension, fear, foreboding. I shut my eyes for a second and visualized a blanket of calm settling over McCoy. The "blanket", for visualizations helps me greatly, is actually my energy that I have the ability to project through the bond.

"Well, I could be but I'd rather let Spock break this particular ice. Please, Doctor." I said, and walked away. My palms had started to sweat and I wiped them on the ill fitting nurse scrubs I had been given before they found me clothes. I really needed to see the nurse! Swinging back into the sick bay I found her standing in front of a bed strewn with various sized standard starfleet dresses. She was measuring her own waste and making a concerned face when she realized she wasn't alone.

"Hello Lieutenant Janda! I thought the doors stuck on you." She said teasingly, backing up slightly from the bed so that I could better survey the mess.

"Well, I'm not sure what size you are so here are your options. I narrowed it down to my best guesses but any size is available.

"Thank you." I said and nodded. Well, there were a couple ways I could go here. I could pick something that fit me and half my ass hang out, that might make the infamous man slut Kirk more likely to help. Though the thought is detestable, the joy of cold revenge is like mother's milk indeed. I could also pick something a little more loose and be more comfortable. Comfortable...the thought felt alien and I found myself reaching immediately for a dress two sizes too big. It had been well over a year since I was last comfortable. Though being marooned makes my existence before seem luxurious. But I was still uncomfortable then, too! Albinson did not run a tight ship. The slack from everyone shirking their duties built up to the point that we would be indistinguishable from a garbage scow. Using the privacy curtain, I walled in my bed in sick bay and quickly changed into uniform. The mass produced fabric felt plush between my fingers, not at all rough like the hand spun garb made by the people of Woodfall, and I was overcome with a strange, half insane giddiness. Is one year really so long that it evokes a strong emotional reaction to touch a well made uniform? Speaking of uniforms, I wondered if I would be given my commander rank back once my name was cleared. Do I dare hope for a satisfying ending? Another pang of longing for my best friend, more like sister, shot through me and I felt sick to my stomach. It was going to be a long night waiting for the Captain's decision. Though I understood why he wanted to wait until morning, he was on his own out here. It would take a week for a transmission to get back to starfleet and it will take the starship about a month to make it back to earth to conduct trials. Despite spending a year on Woodfall I felt that the month wait was insufferably long. I guess that is the difference between waiting to be rescued and waiting to find out of the person who meant the most to you is still alive and well or not.

"Lieutenant, are you ready?" A soft voice asked from behind me, startling me from my thoughts. Instincts borne from life on Woodfall kicked in and I sprang up on the bed, whirled to come face to face with the possible attacker and let out a feral noise somewhere between a hiss and a growl, eyes livid and face transformed into a mask of terror. Doctor McCoy backed up and held his hands in the air, stunned into speechlessness for only a moment. "Nobody is going to hurt you here Rota..." After the situation registered I calmly stepped down from the table and smoothed out my dress.

"My apologies Dr. McCoy. Old survival instincts die hard, as they say." I tried to joke, though I was trembling as the adrenaline left my system.

"Its quite alright. I would like to do some mental evaluations when I get the chance. Spock and I together, as that green blooded pointy eared-" McCoy began, but I cut him off before he said something about Spock that would ruffle my feathers unnecessarily, as I knew the two were close friends.

"Vulcan Science officer would love a chance to learn about the culture and study the effects it has taken on me after being integrated into it this past year. Between your medical knowledge and his science knowledge, you'll be able to map out my mind in a nice neat little file." I shrugged, "Besides, Spock was kind of my mentor when I first joined starfleet. If anyone can spot the changes in my mind, its him." The doctor seemed to contemplate this for a minute before nodding.

"Very well. Now its time to eat, doctor's orders." McCoy's smile was subdued and appeared to be strained about the edges.

"Leonard, you do not have to falsify cheer on my account. You just received serious news, and I can tell if you are hiding something anyway." I smiled at him as kindly as I could. I did want to make the best effort to stay on good terms with him. He could cause serious trouble with his end of the bond, but more than that I was sick of everyone being my enemy. These were my people, and though I do have anti-social tendencies, negative interactions are not what I needed to get back to Kara and nail Albinson to the wall for all the crap hes done. None the less, the good doctor was still trying to wrap his mind around the news. I could feel his intense confusion and inner conflict, and felt a little guilty. This is terrible, the mess the being who calls herself goddess has created. She has guided me with wisdom during my time on the planet, but she had no right to interfere with the life I have off of her planet. While I was there, I helped her on her journey. And this is how she thanks me, I thought bitterly. I failed to see the wisdom in this. The doctor finally emerged from his own thoughts and felt like he should feel awkward about the silence, even though he really didn't. I had to fight the urge to laugh and cry at the same time. Silence is one of the things Kara taught me. While I was thinking about Kara, I remembered to ask the doctor if I could send her a sub space message. It would take a long time to reach her, but I would get her return message before we reached earth and it was worth it to hear from her that much sooner.

"McCoy, who do I have to ask to send a message to earth around here? I need to contact my family." I asked as we walked down an ambiguous hallway. This would be a terrible place to have hallucinations, everything being so uniform and infinite seeming with a constricting claustrophobic aftertaste.

"Well, you can go down to communications and send one any time, the Captain has perceived that you would ask this question and given you the appropriate clearance." the doctor replied. I studied him for a moment, perceiving his stress and anxiety.

"Doctor, I know firsthand how hard this is to take in. Please do not hold back any questions you have, I will help you understand." We were in a room now, and luckily there were only a few people and they were preparing to leave anyhow. I caught a glimpse of myself in the mirror and almost didn't recognize myself, my long auburn hair was neat and straight just like it should be and my pale complexion was spotted with many more freckles than the year before. The vain part of me seethed in that, but they would go away after a fashion so it wasn't overly concerning. What was, however, was my figure. It was gone! Food was not yet bountiful on Woodfall, and over the course of the year what little fat I had was gone. I was not gaunt or skeletal by any means, anyone who did not know me before would not assume I was unhealthy. But I knew myself, and I miss that old self. At least it will be enjoyable getting back to my old weight again.

"Thank you Rota, for being understanding." he said and then we fell silent. Doctor McCoy lead me over to a row of food synthesizers and we made our selections without conversation. I felt like there was a dog sled team of rats mushing circles in my stomach and my jaw seemed to be frozen in place despite Commander Spock's orders. Suddenly this subject seemed impossibly overwhelming.

"Doctor, Spock has ordered me to divulge everything to you. I must do this, but I am unsure of where to start. There is not beginning or end to this subject, and it's delicate nature is adverse to discussion between strangers." I began with a sigh, "But I will do my best. Please, tell me what you understand of our situation."

"He told me that we are connected to each other deeply through some sort of bond that your people use between their priests and priestesses," Leonard's brows furrowed and it seemed like he was mulling over his next sentence, "its sort of like marriage, except there is not escape." He finished in a surly tone and caught me off guard with his humor, causing me to burst out in a short chuckle.

"Oh you could not be more correct Doctor McCoy! However, it is not meant to be a burden. It is a sacred blessing handed down by the goddess, a miraculous gift. Observe." I commanded, and picked up the clean steak knife laying by my elbow. With a measured motion I made a long gash across my arm. Doctor McCoy sprang up and started to protest before I shooed him back with a forceful bark. Slowly, I gathered my energy and visualized it as a healing white light working to knit back together flesh and nerves, to erase all damage. I felt the wound slowly close, and when the pain was fully subsided I dispersed my energy and opened my eyes. The wound was gone, and only a faint pink line remained that would fade in some hours. Too bad I could not erase the scars I had obtained from the fall I took during my last quarrel with Albinson.

"You talk about the being down there as if you actually believe her to be divine." McCoy's voice held warning. I considered this. I could not accept divinity, a part of me just never could. But I did harbor feelings of friendship for the being that called herself goddess.

"She has given me many gifts, she has saved me from many troubles. She has imprisoned me, held me captive. For that I will always resent her. But she is my friend, nothing more and nothing less." I elaborated, though the doctor maintained his skeptical expression.

"I'm not quite sure I believe you." his reply was not unexpected.

"Would you like a deeper understanding? Would you like certainty that my words are truth?" I questioned, seizing the opportunity to demonstrate and explain another aspect of the bond. The telepathy was as good of a place to start as any, I hoped.

"Well, how could I say no?" he said with a teasing tone. I felt some emotion at this but could not quite place a name on it. It was alien, perhaps Leonard was subconsciously projecting it to me. I raised all my defenses and the emotion only lurched in my chest before settling down somewhere deep and dark, drawing with it a shroud of unease and a desire for something I could not summon to mind. Shortly after I was marooned I had gone emotionally numb, not being able to stand the loss of my former life and the subjugation of my new one I did what I had to do to cope. I have come out of my shell a little bit as I ascended the ranking system on Woodfall, but many parts have been forgotten.

"One aspect of the bond is telepathy. Though you normally would be unable to communicate in such a manner, you are able to do so with me. To communicate, simply hold strongly that which you intend to rely in your mind and focus your intent on sending it to my consciousness. I will demonstrate by relating to you my knowledge and feeling of the being who calls herself the goddess." I explained, "I'm not really that great at this stuff myself since I was bound not too long before you rescued me so please be patient."

"Rota, I am sorry if you cared for him." Doctor McCoy was sincere, and I found this endearing.

"No, I despised him. He accepted me only because his duty demanded it of him and grew to resent our bond and my refusal to bend to his desires." I said shortly before shaking my head, "let us now begin." I concentrated my energy again and summoned to mind the factual knowledge I had gleaned of the energy being called goddess. Next, I summoned the understanding of our friendship. I then held an image of the doctor's face in my mind and focused on slowly relaying the information to Leonard. I felt nothing and a surge of frustration coursed through me. After a few moments of fruitless concentration, I opened my eyes and took in the image of Doctor Leonard McCoy staring at me expectantly. Huffing a sigh, I tried again to no avail.

"If this is Spock's way of paying me back for all the jokes I've pulled on him, hes really hit the mark." the doctor said, if not a little nervously.

"Does the mark on your side register as a normal tattoo?" I shot back, though It was indeed aimed into the dark. It looked like my guess had been correct however as the doctor had furrowed his brow and seemed unsure of what to say next. "Let us try again? Please, if you would give me your hands." I held out my own and the doctor considered this. I got the impression he had the urge to flirt, but given the stickiness of the situation decided against it. This was impressive, as the situation was delicate and we both had to be very careful.

"I trust you only because your mind has been noted as strong and stable, and all scans indicate no deterioration of that condition during your time on woodfall." McCoy clarified, and I chuckled.

"Do not underestimate the fact that I am still human. My emotions and desires devil me as much as any man or woman." I remarked as he placed his hands in my own. They were worn but not unpleasant, a man's hands. A lurch of attraction distracted me from my current motive and I pressed it from my mind before McCoy picked up on it. I closed my eyes and instantly I felt our connection, his energy ebbing and flowing like a tide. My tide, I thought, for the next five hundred years unless I rationalized taking his life to end the bond.

Or he mine, and now that was a thought! I focused on his energy and latched onto it, drawing it into me and at the same time releasing mine into his own body, letting it carry all the information he needed. I felt him realize the connection and explore it, probe into my mind and I let him see all. His mind was more capable than I had sensed and expected, a very pleasant surprise! He was eagerly devouring my memories, the doctor in him exploring for symptoms and signs that he could recognize. My energy was draining quickly, and his also. Soon we would enter a state of mutual meditation that would bring our minds close, merge our energies and refresh them, an act that was also very intimate and revealed much about the other. As soon as I realized we were about to enter the meditative state the doctor realized also and gained my understanding of it. I felt heat rise to my face and I regretted my blush.

Traditionally on woodfall during mutual meditation the priest and bound priestess, having chosen each other, would engage in the act of making love, the conclusion of such releasing so much energy that it cleanses the body and mind of negative energy, refreshing the spirit. If directed towards a purpose it is believed that it will aid you in your intent. It was supposed to be a beautiful thing, an act of love and companionship. For the people of Woodfall lived far over a thousand years with no disease, and to choose a mate meant spending all of those years with them! They hold love sacred above all else and honor their bonds, learn to understand their partner and love them despite their flaws. They know that people need to learn and grow, and they help each other work past their flaws to achieve their greater selves, together.

Scenes that seemed familiar to me flashed before my eyes, it looked similar to some parts of Florida, where Kara would insist on going for our holiday each year. But they were Georgia's country side, where Leonard was born. I saw his family, his childhood. I saw his mind develop and his values set. I saw his happiness, his marriage. And unfortunately, his divorce. It was all so much to take in...his loneliness was crushing and I felt like it might rip me apart, but it was so familiar. It was an ache I knew well and feeling it in him only amplified it more! It had always haunted me, had always inhibited me at every turn like a frightening nightmare that consumes my life. It was always there, waiting in the shadow or in the light, it is not shy! At the last possible moment we broke apart and my head spun. I had to sit down quickly.

"Doctor, give me something for the pain." I said and reached into the medical cabinet where I knew he held his medicine. I made an appropriate selection and injected it into my arm and it made the usual little wheeze. I felt the tension drain from my body and the raw ache of my heart subside, calmness settled over me like a blanket and I felt like I was much more prepared for this than earlier. The trembling had gone out of my limbs, but I still had to struggle to walk sure footed to a nearby chair. The doctor looked at me and shook his head, looking for all the world like a mouse could knock him over.

"Rota, I learned a lot of things but there is one thing you failed to tell me." Leonard had half a grin on his face, almost cocky.

"What exactly is that doctor?" I asked, utterly taken aback. I was still reeling from the experience, for he touched my private storm of loneliness and anger and hurt when I saw it mirrored in his mind. Felt his own added to mine, the razor sharp cry of pain that had been festering so long it bubbled through into the soul, tinging all happiness with its infinite reach.

"How do you feel about all of this?" He asked, wearing a stormy expression with eyes locked intently on my face. I was once more taken aback, this time by his selflessness. His pain had overwhelmed me and prevented any further insights into his character. His mind had not been focused like mine, so fortunately he was spared from the inner turmoil I had built walls and walls around it.

"I could ask the same thing of you. I am familiar with these things, but this is all new to you. How do you feel? Would you rather we avoid each other? Does this affair repel you, as is only natural?" For some reason, there was a part of me that sprang up and hoped the answer is no. The rest of me however only felt alarmed about that. I had so much to do, to bring Albinson to justice and what next? Try to pick up the shattered pieces of my old life? That seemed out of the question, and the gap that left was enormous. I felt empty and restless, my life was unseated and I had no direction. I felt like I was indeed going in a direction, sinking.

"Well, I still don't know what all this means." his reply was careful, I would have done the same.

"This is the invention of the goddess and she has designed it so that the only way to break the bond is to perform a ritual at the end of which one of us must willingly sacrifice ourselves to break it. I do not wish to die, if you feel the same way we must approach the situation cautiously. You have some of my understanding of the bond. It can be a beautiful thing, priceless. And we each will live five hundred years, what other human will? If we choose to break the bond the survivor will gain the remaining lifespan of the deceased. You could always kill yourself, but what a way to go." I shrugged, "Bond mates are not like a traditional relationship Doctor McCoy. What develops through the bond is much more deep and true. If we decide to keep the bond, we should proceed to get to know each other at whatever pace is comfortable and be honest about it. It will be difficult." I cautioned, feeling light headed. The medicine I had taken was still in effect and I noted it affectionately, knowing I would not be this calm without it.

Doctor McCoy thought about my words for a long time, and the silence stretched between us comfortably. I closed my eyes and fought against the whirl of thoughts. I had just met Doctor McCoy, yet when I felt his pain and saw into his mind I saw beauty. He has shown me kindness with his actions and I find him to be quite attractive. Coupled with the sexual frustration I felt from lack of a love life, I was all sorts of mixed up. I gave up on trying to sort that mess out, I have never been able to before and found that it just got messier and messier the more I tried to separate one thing from the other. That thought had me wanting to observe him again, and my eyes flickered back to his form too quick to stop myself. Yes, he was very attractive. I sighed and closed my eyes and attempted to clear my thoughts. Too much chaos...

For those of you who enjoy this, if you wanna see somethin or have a suggest, drop it by! This story is for my s's and g's but I do care about my readers!


	5. Meet You On The Battlefield

Chapter 5: Meet you on the battlefield

I awoke in a strange room, obviously prepared to be mine. There was the standard furniture, but it was barren of personality. Except for one picture of Kara and Myself standing outside of starfleet academy, holding our diplomas with Spock standing behind us. It was worn and faded, creased and aged, as I had carried it with me all my time on Woodfall. I was grateful to whomever had returned it to me. I sensed Leonard's approach and went to the door to wait for him.

"I hope you slept well Rota, the captain is ready to give you his decision now." he greeted, handing me a phaser and a scanner.

"So we are beaming down now?" I surmised.

"You got it." Leonard replied shortly and started towards the transportation room.

"Did you sleep well, Leonard?" I asked, fighting against the surge of excitement and sinking feeling of dread.

"Not as good as I would have liked to but generally alright." He rolled his shoulders and his spine cracked a little, making me want to do the same.

"Leonard," I began, turning him to face me and holding his gaze, "if I die, you die. I am going to have to do battle with the matron soon, so pay really close attention. If it looks like she is about to finish me off, stun her and get your engineer to beam us back aboard immediately. A riot will most likely take place as soon as you do. They are no strangers to phasers, and at the sight of them all those who are under the matron's misguided morals will work themselves into a frenzy. Do you understand?" I put my arm on his shoulder and squeezed lightly to emphasize the weight of the situation.

"So are you saying if one of us dies, the other's life is forfeit?" McCoy's face had drained of color.

"Unless we are murdered by an unbound member of the opposite sex, yes. The matron is bound, Leonard." We started walking again and an ugly silence pervaded the room. We walked into the elevator and Leonard scanned his fingerprint and entered some data.

"What do you mean by 'do battle' with the matron?" the doctor asked.

"Well, I am going to demand the belongings I took from her. She will deny me, of course, and then I will challenge her to single combat as their tradition dictates. She cannot refuse, or else she will be dishonored and lose her seat of power." I explained and sighed darkly, "Not so different from primitive earth, as many planets are in this galaxy."

"Does the captain know what you are going to do?" McCoy's question revealed that his duty to the captain was never far from his mind, something very admirable in a man. Most men were made of greed and envy, and think little of others.

"Spock knows, and he would not fail to inform the captain, would he?" I raised a brow.

"No, its a rare occasion when that vulcan misses something." the doctor admitted with a small nod. I smiled and thought back to all the nights we spend in silent companionship, looking at the stars. I was in violation of the starfleet curfew, but Spock never breathed a word of it.

_"__I suppose you are going to file some papers before the night is up." I accused, standing cautiously on the loose shingles._

_"__And why would I be filing papers, cadet?" The vulcan answered, drawing his pointy ears together. Being a fantasy fiction fan, I couldn't help but feel like vulcans were space elves and elves were not bad at all!_

_"__You have caught me out of curfew, sir." I replied cautiously, and could find nothing in his expression._

_"__One cannot expect a human to fight it's nature, Miss Janda. Isn't it your passion, after all, to move among the stars? I see no reason to deny you your right to look at them." Spock replied in his factual voice._

_"__Oh Spock! Thank you." I said and beamed at him. I sat back against the side of the building where an overhang merged with it, creating a nice place to sit., hanging one leg off the edge and crossing the other underneath it with a sigh._

_"__You are quite welcome Rota." Spock replied as he strummed his instrument, making adjustments._

_"__Oh what a treat!" I commented and heard his soft chuckle._

_"__Indeed."_

I was brought back from my thoughts as the doors whooshed open and Kirk was waiting with a landing party and looking tired but intense.

"Alright Rota, Spock has informed me of what you plan to do. I will allow it because it is following the tradition of the native people's on the planet. But your orders are not to kill or fatally wound the matron. I need your word that you will not do so." he said in a snappy tone, obviously having been giving this matter much debate prior to our entrance.

"Have no fear. The matron has already been predetermined to die by the hand of the woman she would have sacrificed on the day of my rescue. I give you my word, I will not kill the matron." I placated, though none of it was a lie.

"Or fatally wound!" the captain insisted.

"Or fatally wound." I repeated dryly, crossing my arms. The chief engineer, a man named Scotty with a thick accent and way to much energy, directed us into our respective positions until we were ready to energize. I felt a wave of nausea as my atoms were scattered and reassembled on the planet's surface, a feeling that was also shared by the doctor to my astonishment.

"Alright, Rota give me your phaser. Bones, Spock, start searching for a way to break that bond." Kirk ordered firmly and I did as he asked.

"Captain, I would prefer it if the doctor accompanied me to the matron." I asked him quietly.

"And why is that Rota? Have you grown that fond of him already?" Kirk replied smoothly.

"Well, I trust him to make sure I don't die in the battle. I would forfeit my life, but unfortunately both of our lives are at stake today." I explained, and the Captain nodded.

"Yes, Spock informed me of that. Well, I give you my word as captain that you are safe under my care." Kirk gave me his best winning smile.

"I care more for the safety of the doctor. He is innocent in all of this, if I die it would be my choice and my mess. He is just here under orders, was here under orders and got cursed to be bound to a strange woman. I do not wish to be responsible for his death also." as I finished Kirk gave me a speculative look and smiled.

"I promise you Rota, I will not allow any harm to befall the doctor." Kirk said, and seemed like he was admiring me for a moment. I ignored it and lead the way towards the village. Once inside the people recognized me and some hissed at my approach. The others, however, cheered. Soon a large crowd came towards me and I recognized the woman leading it. It was the woman who would have been sacrificed, the one the being called goddess chose to lead the people to an enlightened age.

"Priestess, you are well met!" She said, beaming and holding out her arms to receive me. Her color had returned and she looked well rested, and I found myself feeling happy about that.

"Oh darling you look so much better! Where is the matron? I must challenge her?" I asked, though the woman had locked eyes with Kirk and had noticed his physique. "Don't pay any attention to him. Hes the type that's permanently unavailable." I chuckled in her native language.

"Is he yours, priestess?" She asked, giving me the appropriate respects.

"No, I am bound to one more suited to my tastes. If this one pleases you, by all means have fun with him while we are here. Right now I need you, for goddess has chosen you to lead the people to a better day. I am forbidden to kill her by his command, but the goddess has sanctioned you for the job." I explained. She nodded sagely.

"Goddess has told me to await for your return. Come sister, let us make change and restore peace to the people." She took my hand in hers and she led us ahead of her procession, giving Kirk sidelong glances. Kirk seemed focused but also distracted by the beautiful woman. Soon they started a flirting banter which fell into silence once more. Soon we stood in front of the Matron's throne, and I felt a cold smile creep across my face.

"So the traitor returns." Was the only thing she could say. A million things sprang to my lips and I had to quickly banish the mental chatter.

"Matron, I demand the return of the belongings you stole from me three moons ago." I declared boldly, stepping up to stand face to face with her.

"I refuse your demand. You must be punished for your disobedience, it cost us many lives." She stated imperiously, and my gut curled in disgust. How I loathed that woman.

"Surely you couldn't be foolish enough to think my people would not come for me one day. Luckily it was sooner than later! You have spurned goddess and her teachings. It is time they be restored to the lands." I stepped back and the woman stepped forwards.

"Matron, your reign is indeed at an end as the priestess has spoken. I challenge you to combat." there was a collective gasp from the matron's followers now gathered around our little party. The still true followers of the goddess let out a cheer that dominated them, and an uplifted feeling stole into my heart. For I did love the people of woodfall, my friends who made it bearable. Their way of life was so much like primitive humans it was like living in the past, except the people knew how to love, something humans rarely figure out. And the bond...the bond changes everything. Everyone fell silent after their initial reactions, and the Matron seemed frozen in place. Finally she roused herself and sat forwards.

"Very well." She stood and her servants removed her robes, handing her the traditional staff and giving one to the woman who would be matron. I grabbed Kirk and backed up with the rest of the crowd, the battle would take place here and now. I was very relieved that it was not me, and at the same time furious. Had Kirk not ordered me otherwise, I would have killed her myself for everything she has done to me. But there were more important things, and I had the whole issue of Doctor McCoy to take my mind off of the lost cause. I was feeling distress, and felt like he was in danger. More distress, one of the landing party was killed.

"Kirk!" I grabbed his arm forcefully, drawing his attention from the ceremonial exchange before battle, "The others, they need our help!" he did not question me as I put all my energy into sensing the doctor and started off in his direction, feet pounding dust into the air as I made my way. Soon we were at the outskirts of town and some of the Matron's followers were holding Spock, the doctor, and the only guard left from the landing party at phaser point. I grabbed Kirk and pulled him behind a bush.

"Stun them from behind so Spock and McCoy can regain their weapons." I explained and Kirk looked irritated. He did not question my logic, however, and did as I asked.

"Thank you for your advice Lieutenant but I give the orders around here." Kirk saved face, and I had to fight back the urge to roll my eyes.

"Yes sir." I responded before dashing over to where Leonard was examining the other guard.

"Hes only stunned Jim." He informed the captain, whom looked extremely irritated. I scanned the doctor for injuries and found only a few bruises. Good, I thought, and started back towards the battle. I broke into a sprint and within minutes came back to the small square. The matron was bleeding in a few places but the woman looked worse still. Panic surged through me, she must win! I needed to get my audio log! I could not interfere, but maybe I could give her some moral support.

"For the people! For the new age!" I shouted, and I saw the woman smile and the determination reaffirm in her gaze. The battle would go on a little bit longer, but just in case... I turned around and noticed the others moving towards me through the crowd. They saw me, but I still had time to slip away. I could feel the doctor attempting to probe the bond, and I erected my mental defenses. If I could slip into the Matron's hut and steal my personal log, it didn't matter what the outcome of the fight was. And I wouldn't have to ask for it from the new Matron. The combat gave me an extra advantage, it was likely there would not be as many guards around her residence, and perhaps I could sneak in the back way.

The day was now waning, and the angle of the sun threw shadows high and low, and I slunk through them as they lengthened. Soon I was at the back entrance, but unfortunately there was still a guard there. Just one, instead of two, which was much easier to deal with. I crept through the brush until I was parallel to him, then sprang up and attempted to grab him in the vulcan sleeper hold. Unfortunately he backed up at the right moment and brought his weapon around to face me. He took one sweep of his staff at my feet and I jumped into the air. The next blow came to my abdomen and I did not react quickly enough, taking it full force and doubling over. I knew he would attempt an attack then, so I fell and rolled right into his legs sending him crashing to the ground. I regained my breath and seized him, this time being successful and knocking him out for a little while. I grabbed his arm and hefted him through the door, thinking all the while that maybe I should exercise my muscles more often.

Once I secured the guard and made sure he could not call for help, I crept through the structure reminiscent of a native american longhouse, save that the entire construct housed only the Matron and her bond mate, who was now watching their mutual death at the moment. Finally I found that in the very back next to her gem collection was the shiny bits of metal from my ship, a couple of empty phasers, and my audio log. I picked up a nearby satchel and scooped all of it into there, plus a few of the rocks just cause. All this stuff is going to be moved out of here anyway, so I took some primitive medical supplies as a souvenir for the doctor as well as a couple of volumes of the history of the planet, that I knew were just copies, for Spock. Time was running short, so I crept back out of the house only to find the other guard had returned and was attempting to wake his unconscious coworker. He had not seen me yet, so I knelt low to the ground and shuffled slowly across the corner of the room. For a second, I thought he saw me, but the darkness was thick about me and his eyes passed over me without acknowledging my presence. When he looked away I continued on and finally cleared the doorway, sprinting through the woods and back out onto the path towards town.

I was seen sneaking out of the matron's dwelling, and shouts sounded behind me as pursuers drew close. Summoning as much strength as possible, I focused it on running as fast as I could. Through the village the little mob behind me grew, and soon it seemed they would be upon me. Desperate, I searched the crowd growing larger in front of me for the others. Soon little swatches of blue, yellow and red became visible in the distance and I sent out as potent of a message to the doctor as I could. I felt someone's fingertips graze my shoulder and a burst of adrenaline lent me temporary strength.

_BEAM US UP! TELL KIRK TO BEAM US UP NOW!_ I ran and ran and it seemed like the landing party was miles away yet so close! I could see behind the new Matron being crowned, and their heads beginning to turn my way. McCoy had heard me, and Kirk was watching me as I drew close. McCoy was relating my message and I saw Kirk pull out his communicator. Another hand attempted to find purchase but slipped away like the first. Their angry shouts were a roar in my ears and I felt like my heart would explode! I hoped that Scotty could lock onto my signal, I saw the others begin to dematerialize but felt nothing myself. Come on Scotty! PLEASE! Finally, the familiar nauseous feeling overcame me and within seconds I was aboard the enterprise, but my momentum was not slowed. I hit the pad forcefully and skittered face first into the doctor, knocking him over and landing on top of him.

"Fancy meeting you down here." I joked with a suggestive lift of my eyebrows before pulling him to his feet.

"Lieutenant, why did it appear that there was an angry murderous crowd chasing after you?" Kirk asked me, taking my attention away from the doctor.

"Because I stealthily entered the matron's living quarters and took back everything she had found of my ship and got observed exiting the building. Tensions are high in the village now, and the matron's followers decided to take it out on me" I answered truthfully, which Spock confirmed from my body language.

"Is everyone else in good health?" I asked and they all nodded their ascent, except for the stunned guard now being wheeled to sick bay.

"Did you get the audio log?" The captain asked. I nodded and reached into my bra to procure it for him. With a coy look the captain accepted, "Thank you Rota. I will get all the necessary affairs in order to submit your case to starfleet. I will let you know when they inform me of the trial date." Kirk explained.

"Thank you Captain. Now, if you'll excuse me I need to inform my sister that I'm back from the dead." I said and exited the room. What a day, I thought as I walked down the halls. The burden of retrieving my audio log was now off my shoulders, and all that was left was the trial. I had no doubts it would be held once the enterprise reached earth again, and a pang of sadness shot through me. I was about to bring Kara's world crashing down around her, or was I? Had Albinson already shown her his true colors? I hoped not.

Finally reaching the communications department, I settled into one of the convenient booths the members of the enterprise used to send messages to their own loved ones. I logged into my starfleet account and began recording.

"Kara, I know it has been a whole year and you think I was dead and all..." my voice cracked and I had to fight back tears. I was speaking to Kara for the first time, not directly but sending a message that would fall to her ears! "But I'm not. I'm sorry I have to say this but I want you to hear it from me first. Albinson is the one who left me there, he tried to kill me and then I fell off a cliff and he thought I died. But I survived, and now I am back and his crimes are going to be brought to light. He broke the prime directive because of his lust for money, he wanted to provide a lavish life for you two. I caught him and then...but less talk of that. I miss you so much Kara!" My voice peaked at the end and I turned my face to hide my tears, "I'm so sorry that you had to mourn for me. I'll make it up to you, I promise. I love you sister." at that, I ended the message and sat back in my chair. Collect yourself Rota, I scolded, keep your strength about you!

I then retired to my room and took a nice hot shower, feeling pretty dirty from the day. The burden and stress of recovering the audio log was lifted from my shoulders and I felt more relaxed than I had been since being marooned. I changed into a loose shirt and some baggy pants and felt comfortable wearing the starfleet uniform once more. I had been drifting with no purpose in life than to do whatever gave me instant gratification, until Kara joined starfleet and I followed her in. There I ended up failing miserably and causing more trouble than not until Spock took the challenge of getting me under control. It started out as a sort of competition, if he could catch me or could I outwit his vulcan mind? While I was thinking of Spock, I suddenly remembered the records I had taken for him. Grinning like I was still in the academy, I headed towards the section that housed Spock's quarters.

"Rota, your presence is not unwelcome." Spock greeted, holding up his hand in the vulcan way. I returned the gesture and retrieved the books from the satchel.

"They are copies, so its alright to accept them." I beamed as he received them. I could tell that he was pleased, and the scientist in him was eager to learn.

"How thoughtful of you Rota. I will study them, extensively." He said with a raised eyebrow, and I could tell he was fighting a smile. I nodded to him and we exchanged goodbyes, and I found myself en route to the sick bay. Kirk passed by me in the hallway and I stopped him.

"Captain, I would like to thank you for risking your men for my sake." I pulled out a small statue made from a glittering black stone, "This is a totem of thanks. They are only given as a symbol for immense gratitude and are very rare on woodfall, as few can work with this material. It is also very valuable on other worlds." I explained and the captain nodded.

"I am grateful Rota, but please do not feel like you have burdened me. It is my duty to see that justice is carried out, a duty I am proud to perform." Kirk replied.

"Well spoken Captain. I can see why the crew is so dedicated to you. By the way, it is going to take us a month to reach earth, if there are any positions that need to be filled aboard the enterprise I would gladly fill them. I can perform any task." I said confidently, for it was indeed true that I was a jack of all trades.

"Well Rota, it seems there is no way to break your bond with Doctor McCoy without one of you dying. How would you like to get to know him a little better?" Kirk asked with a glint in his eye. I considered this for a second.

"Yes, I would."

"Well, its the time of the month for the crew to get their check ups, I'm sure the nurse wouldn't mind you taking some of the pressure off of her." Kirk finished and I smiled.

"The work will not seem so tedious after being stranded on Woodfall. Thank you Kirk, for giving me a spot on your ship while I am here." I held my arm out and we clasped forearms, his hand warm and dry around my arm. The sensation was unpleasant, as my skin was cool to the touch and I had an aversion to heat.

"You are most welcome Lieutenant. Have you thought about what you will do after the trial?" Kirk questioned further.

"No, it seems overwhelming. My old life is gone, I am bonded to McCoy. Neither of us know how it will go. My former Captain is my best friend's fiance, so that will be a mess. I meant to tell you that eventually, because that will no doubt be brought to light in the trial." I sighed heavily, it would be a long time until I was in the clear again.

"Yes, we have much to discuss. For now, I have to do my homework." he joked and dismissed me. I wandered back down the hallway and tried to think of nothing in particular but just notice what was around me. The white walls and the uniformity of the whole ship. It was symmetrical, something I enjoyed. Tyger, tyger, I thought warmly. After entering sick bay I looked around at all the machinery. The doctor wasn't in the room I entered, but the nurse was sitting at a desk. I figured while I was giving people presents, I should give her one of the nice rocks I took from the matron's dwelling.

"Hello Rota, good to hear the mission was successful." She said formally.

"Yeah, and I managed to bring you back a little somethin' somethin' to say thanks for your help." I said slyly and pulled a flashy sphere from the satchel, a stone that looked similar to a ruby with neon pink ritulations that crossed its center like needles.

"Its beautiful!" She exclaimed and stood to give me a hug. Yep, I thought with mirth, made a new friend today I did!

"Its a stone native to the mountains, it is said that if carried at night it will guard against evil and ill will. Every year there is a festival held to honor the power of the earth, and clusters of these balls are hung from trees and other plants to ensure another year full of life." I explained, and she seemed to delight in it's meaning.

"Now just what is going on in here?" The doctor said as he made his entrance, "I thought I told you to finish up the day's paperwork!"

"Oh leave her be. I distracted her because after all the crap you made her do for me I thought she deserved some appreciation." I defended, "Also, Nurse, the Captain has arranged for me to relieve some of your extra shifts and duties during my time aboard the enterprise. He indicated that this time of the month is especially busy for sick bay." Her face lit up and I could tell she felt as overworked and stressed as the ship's head nurse usually did.

"It's true, I received the notice moments ago." McCoy confirmed when the nurse looked to him expectantly, "You are also relieved of your duties for the night." The nurse couldn't have looked happier, and she practically skipped from the room with her eyes glued to her gem.

"I have to hand it to you Rota, when the nurse decides to dislike someone it usually doesn't change." McCoy chuckled, and I laughed along with him.

"How are you feeling Doctor?" I asked, pulling out a bottle of brandy I had found in my room and pouring some into two glasses I retrieved from the nearby synthesizer. McCoy nodded his thanks and drained his in one gulp, and I had to do the same. Leonard looked impressed and motioned for me to pour another. This time I filled the glasses half way and procured some ice.

"A little bruised but nothing my body can't handle. How are you feeling? Its not everyday that one gets chased by an angry mob!" he acknowledged.

"I am alright, though I think some of my ribs are bruised. Would you mind looking me over?" I asked politely. He nodded and set down his drink, appearing to have misplaced his scanner. He went briefly into the other room and returned with the appropriate device and waved it over my abdomen.

"Rota! You should have had me look at this sooner! Five of your ribs are badly bruised and one of them is cracked." He explained. I rolled my eyes and focused what little energy I had left to the area that hurt the most. After a moment, the pain lessened and I sat back with a sigh.

"I will be fully healed in the morning." I stated and topped off our brandy, "By the way, I have something for you." I pulled out two crudely formed but deadly sharp scalpels and some twine spun as fine as Woodfall could get it. The needles stuck in the ball were small pieces of bone, and would hurt very much when they punctured the flesh. Pretty dang cool though! The scalpels had fine bone handles with relief sculptures carved into them, only the best for the matron.

"Rota, you didn't have to!" he replied, examining the scalpels appreciatively.

"But I wanted to Leonard. I brought something back for Kirk and Spock, though nothing as elaborate. Doctor, did you find any new knowledge about the bond?" I broached the subject cautiously. McCoy studied my expression for a moment before replying.

"No, I did not." he said, still holding my gaze. Eventually he looked away to sip his brandy and I did the same as silence settled between us.

"Rota, I am much older than you, I will age and die far sooner than you will." he began. I considered his statement for a long moment. He was quite older than me, though still in good shape. I studied him for a moment, lingering on his appearance. He still had all his hair, and there were only a few strands of gray beginning to show at his temples. He was trim, and his face was very handsome to me. And those eyes, like blue fire. I had to fight the warmth that threatened to rush to my loins, and the effort proved unsuccessful.

"Your physique is quite agreeable. I would be pleased to bed you, if that is the only fact taken into consideration. Our life forces are now linked, and we each have a little over five hundred years to live. You will not start to age again until you are...almost four hundred." I stated, and the doctor blushed, "Of course, there is much more to take into account. There is still a lot to learn about each other, but I am intrigued doctor. How do you feel about the matter? Am I too young for you to be attracted to me? Do you find my personality abrasive?" I asked, trying to keep the worry from my voice. Nobody likes to be told they aren't attractive.

"No, Rota, its not like that at all! Though now I understand why the deterioration of my cells has slowed to almost none at all." he said and drew closer, though consciously or not I did not know. He looked like he would like to say more, but remained silent. The distance between us seemed almost nonexistent, and his scent rose up to tantalize my nose. Underneath the scent of starfleet's standard soap was a very arousing spicy smell, undoubtedly masculine, his unique scent. He looked down at me and I sensed his own attraction growing. I stepped back and shook my head.

"I have never been in a serious relationship before, Doctor. I have always felt like I had to put my mind in a box when I was around my partner. I cannot promise I will fall in love with you, nor you can promise me." I stated the obvious, but did not know what else to say.

"I haven't fallen in love since my divorce. And even then I don't know if I could really love my wife the she wanted." Leonard admitted. Our mutual admissions brought the waves of loneliness crashing upon my heart, and I felt it constrict in my chest. This feeling was a familiar one, and it was effortless to mask. Through the bond I sensed McCoy's heart mirror mine, and I wanted to reach out to him. That thought was enough to open up the bond and McCoy's expression changed to shock as he felt his deepest pain matched by my own. Without realizing it we were in each other's arms, clinging to each other as the damns holding back the flood broke and we held each other tight, the bottled up loneliness pouring from us like a flood and flowing away, leaving a muddled sensation neither one of us could make sense of. Our connection had dissipated that most sacred pain, for now, but what it meant for us was yet unclear.


	6. Sticks and Stones

Chapter 6: Sticks and Stones May Break My Bones But I Won't 'Effin Let 'Em

A week aboard the enterprise, and I was already annoyed with work. It seems the crew was suffering from migraines and I found myself working with Nurse Chapel instead of relieving her. Having managed to get her to open up to me, we were now starting to develop a system of working with each other. After the first three days, Captain Kirk had a serious talk with me about offending his crew.

I did not see it that way, as I am very courteous to people who show the same respect. He was not convinced, and and I ultimately lost that argument. So instead I retrieve everything the nurse needs and she gets to deal with patients with ease. Working together, we are very efficient and make quick progress. When one of us forgets or goes out of order, the other spots it in time. We even reorganized the sick bay and find time to help the doctor with his paperwork.

There wasn't much time for Leonard amidst all the fuss aboard the enterprise, for the Captain had received orders to go sterilize a planet, and the crew, being overworked, are now demanding a shore leave. The Captain has yet to respond to this request, which has left a good amount of people generally irritable.

I had to take supplemental courses to retain my nursing license, the last of which I completed today just in time to avoid being kicked out of sick bay. In these times, I was grateful I had followed Kara into that pursuit. She had tempted me with the benefits and insurance, and told me only the best stories from the workplace.

She would never buy into an argument, and didn't really care much what other people thought of her. She did care to make friends, where as I preferred don't-ask-don't-tell interactions. After the year and some months long break, for I had been a Lieutenant only a short time and only due to connections, the familiarity was comforting.

"Rota, I'm glad to see you, but what are you doin' down here lass?" Scotty asked, bushy brows furrowed.

Distracted by a jumble of thoughts, I had wandered the ship in an attempt to clear my mind. Eventually I lost the battle and ended up settling in the doorway of a restricted area by engineering and started playing with the tips of my hair as I contemplated the events of the week. Realizing how strange it must seem, I chuckled.

"My room felt like it was closing in on me, so I found a quiet place to think." I explained, and he nodded in understanding.

"Well, how would you like to get a glass of brandy with me?" Scotty offered, and I found that brandy was exactly what I wanted right now.

"That sounds lovely." I smiled kindly, though it felt odd on my face. My mind was still in a tumult, though I could latch onto nothing in particular. Scotty lead me to the staff lounge, the only one on engineering deck, and conjured up the aforementioned beverage. I swirled the clear blue liquid in the glass and stared into it's depths.

"Should we have a toast, Mr. Scott?" I asked in an offhand voice, raising a brow.

"Yes, Miss Janda, I believe that would be absolutely smashing!" Scotty replied with a gesture, cuing in on my humor.

"Yes, Yes, indeed! And what, do you suppose," I stood and took a few steps towards the door before spinning around to face Scotty with a dramatic pose, "should be the _subject_ of this toast?"

"To Brandy?" Scotty suggested, also standing now.

"To Booze!" I exclaimed and held my glass held high.

"To wine and liquor!"

"To stuff a bit quicker!"

"And a pair of my grandma's shoes!" we downed our glasses and did a jig until our tired bodies began to protest. I poured us another glass with a sigh and noticed Scotty's expression work it's way form pensive to morose. That man always had his own quiet misery, a kind that was known only to himself and cold machine that was the Enterprise.

These past few days, I felt as if I could hear his sorrow echoed in the metallic thrum that seemed to consume the ship during the sleep cycle. A mournful song, but beautiful and full of love. He was a man consumed by his passions, passions for which the price was companionship. Understanding this, I did not feel sorrow for his condition like others aboard the ship. Instead, there was only respect and admiration of his skill, talent, and sound mind.

"So how has work been these past few days Scotty?" I asked after a fashion, broaching a neutral subject.

"Not too much to worry about, contrary to yourself. I heard some fellas talking about your attitude being offensive." he alluded coyly.

"You wouldn't believe some of the things people think are O.K. to say to Chapel or myself." I sipped my brandy and mulled it around in my mouth for a second, letting the warmth spread through my teeth and gums before sending it flooding down to my stomach.

"Oh I've heard the stories from the good doctor, believe me!" he laughed and sipped his own brandy, then we fell into a comfortable silence until it was time for Scotty to return to his duties. Left to my thoughts once more, I drifted around the ship on autopilot, touching the walls and doorways and other random objects as I pleased.

It seemed inevitable that I would eventually find my way to Leonard. Summoning the connection, I sent feelers through the bond to make certain McCoy was in his quarters. His warm masculine energy met mine with strength and surety, an oddly comforting sensation. Perishing the thought, I knocked two times and waited.

"Rota...good evening." Leonard greeted and stood back, sweeping his arm to indicate I should come inside, "What brings you about?"

"Just the desire to see you." I answered truthfully, waiting for him to lead us to his sitting area as he re-secured the door. His hair was slightly disheveled, eyes flickering in the dim lighting like Poseidon's fire. His clothes looked loose and worn, though the curves and indentations of his broad shoulders were still visible through the cloth. The smile he wore was subdued with just a hint of dimple, delightfully warm and genuine.

"Well, I'm flattered. Can I get you some brandy?" he offered.

"Yes, please." I accepted, taking a spot on the gray-blue sofa.

"That is one thing I like about you Rota, you've got manners." McCoy complimented, causing my cheeks to warm slightly.

"Thank you, Leonard. It seems to be a bit of a lost art these days." I had to look away so he would not catch me admiring his rear visage. The curve of his back was strong and sure, his hips were smooth and his butt was trim, though I could never discern legs very well. Either way, his image conjured the urge to be close, one I had to wrestle into its cage before shoving it to the back of my mind.

"Am I intruding?" I inquired, not wanting to interrupt anything he might have been doing.

"Not in the least Rota. I'm glad you decided to stop by." McCoy replied smoothly, his voice low and gentle in sharp contrast with it's usual gruffness. We both fell into an awkward silence as we sipped our brandy, his proximity hard to ignore. It seemed like he was dangerously close, and his scent was all around me, fueling the hunger to close the gap. Just when the tension seemed palpable, Leonard casually stretched his arm out on the back of the couch, his forearm crossing the expanse behind my shoulders. Shifting closer, I studied his face and hair and found that admiration might be a better word.

"We should be scouting out a planet for shore leave soon, have you made any plans?" I questioned, forcing myself to meet his gaze unflinchingly despite the butterflies that erupted in my stomach. The doctor hid a coy smile in his glass of brandy and studied me while he sipped. Sensing his shift in attitude towards playful, I decided it wouldn't be bad to go along with it.

"Why, Young Miss, are you asking me on a date?" he teased.

"Why yes young man, I am indeed." I replied smoothly, raising an eyebrow.

"I am no young man." His response was solemn.

"You are, now that you will live five human lifetimes. Perhaps longer, if you maintain your health." I reminded him, causing him to fall into contemplative silence. It was understandable, as we both knew well what a burden time can be.

"Five hundred years seems outrageous. The people of woodfall must have a good system worked out of they can stay married for twice that!" The doctor remarked sarcastically.

"That is because earth has forgotten the depths of love. It's value is no longer held in esteem, it's teachings forgotten. Now, we must find the value of love of our own accord and work to understand it. Some do, some don't." I sighed heavily, "Most don't. And at any rate, our world is geared towards the individual and not the team. Love is easy, it's learning how to keep it alive that is the hard part. You have to really want it, and strive to understand your partner. But today everyone thinks that true love is effortless. It takes a long time to know someone, and is it not worth the while?" I ranted, though the Doctor's eyes were fixed raptly on mine.

"I believe it is, Rota." Leonard breathed, closer now. Over the past week we had spent time working together and companionable silence, each glued to our respective screens, filing away. But the air of companionship grew, and I found myself more and more attracted to him.

Admittedly, my thoughts have been too scattered to find out if he was feeling the same way. The sick bay was swamped, I had been nose deep in files for hours every night, and found that every time I slept the subject of my dreams were none other than Leonard McCoy. I bit my lip and closed my eyes, forcing the inner chatter into a reinforced box in the corner of my mind.

"So how do we...sense...each other through the bond? What is it supposed to feel like?" McCoy Inquired. This was a good question, and required a very good answer. There were a few ways to go about it, and I wasn't sure which one would be the best approach.

"Well, the less distraction you have the better. You can start by closing your eyes or staring at something simple. Its hard to explain, you just sort of fix the idea in your mind and concentrate, like opening a door. Try reaching out to me now..." I explained slowly, weighing everything before it was said.

He did as suggested and closed his eyes as I did the same, focusing on lowering all my guards. A few minutes ticked by before the slight tickle of McCoy's intrusion was noticable. I latched onto it and lengthened the bond, and soon felt his mind connect to my own. He was weary, stressed from working so many hours. I couldn't help but wonder what he thought about me, and instantly I knew that he was curious and attracted.

He admired my coolness and savored our silence. As it turns out, he had been having the same type of dreams as myself. He sensed the topic of my interest and his own sprang to the front of his mind, searching for the answer. Immediately embarrassed, I had to fight against the urge to slam all my barriers into place. Our connection faltered, but only slightly and regained it's stability within seconds. The tide of images from his mind were equally steamy, and I had to suppress the desire to act on them.

It was too soon, but I was a grown woman. And in case you get the wrong impression, your urges become harder to ignore with age. It seems easy to keep physical separate from emotion, but it inevitably gets entangled, deepens or ends. Perhaps after a hundred years or so we would seek each other again, should we wish to walk separate paths now. I sighed and reassured myself that whatever happened was meant to happen, and I should hold no contrite over the matter.

A beautiful scene of foliage and trees, strange birds and foreign calls dominated my mind's eye. The sounds of human laughter were distinguishable from far away, faint under the rattle and chatter of insects and birds. A calm river wound it's way through the woods, slowly churning the small rocks that lined it's belly and rippling where insects skipped and danced in small pools.

Leonard was watching the ripples idly, feeling soothed by the way they grew and dispersed. He was breathing deeply, and the two suns moving across the sky were kept at bay by the dense canopy above him. Kirk sat by his side, looking contemplative as he stared into the depths of the lake. Leonard wondered what their difference in choice might mean, if it could provide some insight into the men. Birds shifted in the trees above, and Kirk stood up to scatter them. A smart move, or else they might need to beam back aboard the ship earlier than expected.

Impressions of moods, of many nights spent alone. Frustration, sadness. Being on the enterprise didn't help things. He wasn't attracted to the nurse, and sometimes they wore at each other. It was painful to watch her pine for Spock, despite the Vulcan's obvious disinterest. He was a southern man, kind and generous but a bit rough around the edges. This did not necessarily win him many women, and watching Spock continuously receive such attentions occasionally grew to be frustrating.

His work kept him occupied, and he spent most of his free time trying to unwind in peace. He loved his drink, and knew a fair amount of recipes and how to make them well. His Finigel's Folly was well known and being a southerner, he always loved a mint julep. Brandy was never far away, being the most common drink aboard the enterprise. And then there was the medicine, her grip strong and true.

We were jerked from our thoughts when the bond facilitated mutual meditation. Mental clutter faded away, and soon it seemed as if we were one being enveloped in a soothing white light. It was calming, and cradled us as our energy started to mingle and combine. Leonard's presence seemed to pervade my being, and a deep peace stole the pain from our hearts. Just for this moment, at least. And as all good things must come to pass, so must this moment end. A small alert brought us from our reverie, sending us scrambling for composure.

"Kirk to McCoy, McCoy acknowledge. Kirk to McCoy, McCoy please acknowledge." Kirk's voice held an electronic ring as the wall unit chirped his message.

"McCoy here, what is it Jim?" McCoy questioned, smoothing his clothes and keeping his eyes fixed on my own. Without breaking his gaze, ran my fingers through my hair and set everything to rights. Apparently, we had developed a case of Russian hands and Roman fingers during meditation.

"We have been boarded by Romulans. Report to the bridge immediately, Kirk out." the captain ordered. Leonard sprang into action, switching pants in the blink of an eye.

"I'm going with you." I stated, though I knew the doctor did not yet realize how. He started to protest, but I tuned him out and instead called upon the bond to scatter my atoms and hold my consciousness somewhere in his own.

_I'm right here with you, but not with you._ I explained. McCoy didn't have time to argue.

_If the captain disapproves-_ he began.

_Then I will take the blame. Your life is the same as mine now, I will protect it at all costs._ And that, he could not argue with. The doctor exited his quarters and began to make progress towards the bridge. Before we could reach the end of the hallway, the Enterprise lurched and we were thrown a few feet down the hallway. Hoping that this did not mean lives had just been lost, Leonard regained his feet and continued on his way.

Figures wearing deep hoods emerged from a nearby door, robes splitting into two colors at the neck and ending just below the waist. Their faces were well hidden in shadow, their body language neutral. The two of them simply stood facing McCoy, making no move to communicate. Leonard readied his phaser, but not fast enough. With one deft motion, the more petite figure withdrew an energy weapon and fired upon Doctor McCoy.

He was stunned, but my sudden appearance would still give me an advantage. The effort of reassembling my atoms was immense, making it impossible to return to McCoy's consciousness for at least another day. Forming close behind the stocky one, I quickly sent the man unto unconsciousness and kicked the female's weapon across the hall.

She spun to face me and threw my leg wide in the process, disrupting my balance. I caught myself against the wall and quickly shoved off, charging her and running her right into the ground. She grabbed my shirt and flung me over her head, sending me crashing into a heap against the wall. She was on me before I could regain myself, landing a blow to my already tender ribs. Outraged, I stood against her barrage and took many blows with my forearms. I managed to slam her back against the wall, bringing her face down hard against my knee.

Stumbling a few steps in pain, she landed close to her weapon. I ran to intercept, but she had already closed her fingers around the precious item. Turning to face me, she wore a satisfied smirk. Thankfully, it didn't last long. Leonard had recovered and readied his phaser, striking just in time. Sensing that the other was not seriously injured, we started running towards the bridge, fearing for the safety of the ship.

We only met one more Romulan along the way, as cloaked and mysterious as the others were. He did not see us right away, giving Leonard the opportunity to stun him. Falling to the ground with a sick noise, we continued to make our way to the bridge.

"Those things are effective yet disturbing..." I commented dryly, hoping that we would not be the recipient of such attacks.

"I'm with you there." McCoy agreed.

Well, now was the time to be on my game. Just like games, I thought. Pretend this is a video game, Rota...shoot anything not in a starfleet uniform very very fast. A hysterical bubble of laughter escaped my lips at the thought. With my phaser, I could kill at the push of a button. Well, its good I've spent at least a couple thousand hours honing that skill. Rushing around a corner, I zapped three Romulans into oblivion before they had the chance to turn.

"Wow Rota, be careful with that thing!" McCoy warned, but I just laughed. Careful? I was a freaking level 100 marksman, biatch. Soon we reached the bridge, Leonard appearing to be a little sick from my fast shooting. Upon entering we found Spock and Kirk bound upside down and hanging from the ceiling from what appeared to be cobwebs that enveloped all but their faces, no Romulans in sight. I rushed over to Spock and started ripping at his cocoon, receiving a faint warning message as our skin touched. He seemed to be paralyzed, unable to speak or free himself. Knowing what this probably meant, I whirled around to come face to face with a spider as big as Kirk.

"Well hello big, hairy, and ugly." I said slowly and attempted to zap it with my phaser, only to find that it was empty. Since McCoy had given me his when my own ran out earlier, I was out of luck. Pushing past the terror, I knew there was no time to delay.

Seeing no other immediate option, I latched onto two shiny barbs on the left pincer, hanging on as the creature thrashed. It was hard to keep a steady grip as the creature spun and roared it's agony, but still I held on and let my feet swing wide. My full weight pulled on the organ, momentum temporarily lending me strength. With a sort of odd, wet sound, the pincer came free and I skidded across the bridge with arachnid blood on my hands. Following, the massive arachnid reared up above me. I closed my eyes and prepared to shield myself from it's crushing exoskeleton. Moments ticked by, and still no blow came.

Struggling to see through the mayhem, I could barely make out Doctor McCoy riding atop it like it was a horse, smashing his fist into every eye he could reach. Uhura was holding onto a piece of broken glass, slashing when the beast's soft spots came close. I sprang back to my feet and lunged for the other pincer, but my hands were slick with the blood of the beast. I fell underneath it and observed one spiked leg rise high above my heart. For a second time stood still, and I regretted not being able to see Kara again. I also regretted that Leonard would also die.

Then, the leg came crashing down and disappeared an inch before it penetrated my chest, becoming red and transparent before sending a fine dust into the air. Leonard was on the ground a few feet away, not moving, but alive none the less. Standing in the doorway with phaser still raised was the yeoman, with her basket like hair weave still in perfect order.

"Congratulations Yeoman Rand, you just saved the day!" I exclaimed, for she had saved all of our lives with her actions. I turned to face Kirk and Spock, the former of which looked extremely irritated. It seemed that they were still not able to move or speak, and for the first time it hit me exactly how funny this looked. Kirk and Spock dangling from the ceiling in gooey fresh spider webs, paralyzed and red faced. Kirk's hair was standing on end, and the effect made him look like a hedgehog. Doctor McCoy, having recovered his scanner, began examining the two.

"The venom is not fatal, but just barely such. You're lucky that this particular species likes to let it's prey rot before injecting a different venom for the final consumption. I can make an anti-venom if some remains in the pincer you broke off, Rota." He explained as we gently laid Spock and the captain on the floor. McCoy paged the medical team and began scanning the two again.

_And if there is not venom in the pincer? _I asked, reaching out to McCoy's mind, not wanting to ask aloud. Taken by surprise, Leonard jerked his head up to look at me speculatively.

"My apologies Leonard, it is much easier to communicate telepathically when one's energy is low. You will discover in time." I held my hands up in defense before continuing to arrange Spock in a comfortable position. McCoy, seeing my actions, started to do the same for Kirk.

"You really do care for that Vulcan, don't you?" McCoy remarked gruffly. I laughed inwardly and wondered what thought had borne the question. The question brought to mind the cat and mouse relationship Spock and I had developed at first. I am very smart and cunning, and when dedicating my powers to the forces of chaos I am nearly unstoppable. Being somewhat whimsical and deviant in nature, I still had a conscience. So I stuck to elaborate pranks and jokes at the expense of the academy, but nothing that wasn't more than a major irritation. It was not enough to be a minor one.

"Oh yes, Doctor. I am quite fond of Spock. You would not know me today if it were not for him, for I would have been expelled from the academy long before I graduated. And all the charges brought against me would have been penned in his own hand, I might add. You see, Spock did a little bit of digging on me, and discovered we have something in common. I also have Vulcan heritage, though not much of it." I revealed, much to the Doctor's dismay.

He did not have time to respond, for the medical unit had arrived and Nurse Chapel had engaged him in conversation. Being ignored for the moment, I summoned up what little strength I had left and held my hands over the place where Spock had been bitten. Slowly, I reached into his being and felt the venom take hold. I isolated it with my own energy and began to draw it back out, though the effort was painstaking and was quickly depleting my reserves. Finally, just when I thought my concentration would break, about three quarters of the venom fell to the ground with a juicy, wet sound

Being thoroughly exhausted now, I sat back against the captain's chair and heaved a sigh. It was only a minute before Leonard and Nurse Chapel came to gently lift the two onto pristine white stretchers.

"We are losing the Captain!" Nurse Chapel shouted suddenly, Causing Leonard to leap to her side in one giant bound. He took a quick scan of Jim Kirk and began to bark orders to the sick bay over his communicator, preparing to take Kirk back at light speed.

"Leonard, help me heal him." I demanded, standing wearily and ambling down the hallway, "Just hold my hand. All you're gonna feel is a draining tiredness, me taking your energy. I ran out of my own healing Spock for the hell of it." The doctor pondered this, knowing it was not likely that Jim would reach the sick bay in time.

"Be quick, Rota, he's almost gone. You have no time to waste!" His hand was reassuring, and despite his verbal roughness his mind was strong and confident.

Leonard gave my hand a quick squeeze before I began the same healing process performed on Spock. The venom was much harder to withdraw, as Kirk's system had spread it throughout his body much quicker than the half-Vulcan's had. I drew upon Leonard's strength, but he was almost as depleted as myself. Panic started to set in, and my concentration faltered as thoughts scattered to find another possible solution.

Suddenly, when it seemed all may be lost, a familiar intrusion pressed upon the joined consciousness of Leonard and myself. Leonard felt surprise and fear, and his subconscious barriers almost threw Spock back out.

_I am Spock, Doctor McCoy. I only wish to assist in saving the life of the Captain._ Spock's low voice was a whisper through our minds, but that was all that was needed. In an instant, Spock flooded the bond with immense energy and the network of venom within Kirk's body seemed to beam at me like a beacon. Within minutes the soft patter of liquid could be heard, and the venom was drained from Jim Kirk. His eyes did not open, as he would most likely stay unconscious for a full sleep cycle. Leonard seemed to be nauseous, a common symptom of those new to telepathy.

"Will the Captain recover fully?" Spock inquired Leonard before he completed his scans.

"Just hold on a second you green blooded Vulcan." Doctor McCoy shot back hotly as he finished his diagnosis of the Captain.

"Hes going to be alright, it seems like Rota's healing cleared his body of the venom." McCoy turned to look at me inquisitively as the nurse walked a little closer to Spock.

"With Spock's generous donation we were able to get it completely out of his system, so really I can only take a fourth of the credit. The nurse was watching him like a hawk, and if she hadn't of noticed the instant his organs started to fail...well...you know." I shrugged, "Lets just get everything cleaned up so we can at least have..." I checked my watch, "damn looks like we don't get to sleep tonight."

"Indeed." Spock commented and turned back towards the bridge, "My thanks Rota for your aid in my recovery. Doctor McCoy, please report all casualties to me in one hour." he ordered and had to turn quickly to avoid Nurse Chapel. I really felt bad for her, but she had to understand that Spock wasn't ready to go there yet.

With a sigh, the three of us shuffled off to sick bay with the Captain and left Spock to do damage control from the bridge. It wasn't long before we heard his orders barking out from various departments, but we had our own mess waiting for us. At least fifty wounded people were crowded around the main entrance to the sick bay, their groans and curses filling the air.

"Its going to be a looooooong day." Nurse Chapel commented. I nodded my agreement and did my best to keep the grimace off my face.

"I'm already looking forward to our break." I added.

"After all this, I'm going to request a shore leave personally. This many officers should not be wounded." McCoy said firmly, pushing his way into the sick bay despite multiple attempts from the wounded to get his attention. The nurse and I started to have trouble, so the Doctor Grumpily pulled us along. The sick bay was nearing it's capacity, though most people seemed to only have minor cuts and bruises.

Some had large lacerations and stab wounds, but in this century it was easy to fix. The skeleton crew was pulled in, leaving the night surgeon and Leonard to work elbow to elbow, hour after hour, person after person. After ten hours of not being able to eat, drink, or sit down, Nurse Chapel and I were about to cry. Just fetch this, get that, where is this, we need that. By the time the sick bay was finally empty, it looked like a tornado had come through it at high speeds.

"Need...food..." I groaned as I flopped down on the hospital bed Leonard was sitting on. We had just finished taming the beast, and were free for an hour or two to nourish ourselves and replenish our energy. Leonard pulled out a syringe and injected himself.

"Me too." I commented as I mimicked his actions. He looked wholly surprised, and was speechless for several moments.

"Where did you get that?" he finally managed.

"I bought it, but I'm not going to tell you where." I shot back with a coy grin, "Why the fish face? You are fond of the same habit." I felt him probing the bond and shut him out.

"Stop that. I'm not going to tell you where because I do not have an infinite supply. Satisfied? Maybe someday, but not this day." he seemed to take that with a grain of salt and sat back. I lowered my walls again and let myself feel the medicine's cold hand take hold of my body.

"You're the one that I should never take, but I can't sleep until I devour you..." I sang softly, a song from long long ago.

"Pain's not ashamed to repeat it's self." Leonard whispered, taking my hand in his. It was my turn to be shocked, as most people have never even heard of the artist, let alone that beautiful obscure song.

Our hearts ached the same melody as the song played through our heads. The space between us began to close, and I felt his lips brush against mine and then press more surely. Returning his kiss with fire, I closed my eyes in an attempt to fully enjoy Leonard's touch. When I did, the world began to spin in an unsettling way as the next wave of medicine struck me.

Leonard was in a similar state, so we held each other while the high subsided. I looked into the blue of his eyes, stormy and gray with his emotions. A pang of homesickness went through me, for the Mississippi heat and mangroves of Florida. For the flat expanse of Alabama and Kara, my only family. I suddenly pined to see a storm roll in from the plains, to smell the earthy moistness as it gathers and hear the patter and drum as it slowly envelops my dwelling. It was always nice and cool after a storm, the air clean and fresh.

"I feel the same way." Leonard remarked, meeting my gaze now. Our hearts ached in harmony for a land light years away, and in this moment neither of us felt alone. I could weep from the feeling, beautiful and fragile as it rose from the black hole that will seemingly never leave my heart. I leaned into Leonard's embrace and inhaled his scent deeply. It was spicy and mature, like sunlight and cattails rising from algae on a hot summer day. I had to steady myself, I could feel my emotions flailing around wildly, and soon they would jumble, crash and burn. The medicine was fading now, and I could barely feel it's pull. Calming for a moment, I let the pull drag the jumble back below the tides once more.

"Bones..." the Captain grumbled from far away, and we both jumped to our feet at his voice. Leonard's eyes were still like saucers, but I had noticed they looked this way quite often in the Captain's presence so I was sure it was of no consequence. He had failed to notice the signs in me this past week, or chose to ignore them, and it left me to wonder where exactly he stood on the issue.

"Well Jim, you seem to be in good working order. Your system is showing signs of severe fatigue. A shore leave is long past due, and you can't deny that you need it too." Leonard tested the waters.

"Thanks Bones. You performed admirably during our encounter with the arachnid. I guess it's the cowboy in you." he teased, ignoring Leonard's suggestion.

"Well, someone had to cut you down from the ceiling." Leonard joked back as Kirk clasped him on the shoulder. He returned the gesture and poured us all some brandy, giving Kirk considerably less. It was true that in small amounts it has medicinal effects on some people, and Kirk was just shaken to his foundation. He accepted the glass gratefully and downed it in one gulp.

"Thank you bones. And Rota, I would like to commend you on your bravery. I admire that you did not hesitate when you found that your phaser had run out." Kirk said respectfully, so I nodded my thanks before leaving the two to chat. I had learned much about the Doctor during our mutual meditation just before the Romulans attacked.

His divorce had taken everything from him, and it took him a long time after that to start trusting women again. What she did to him had left scars that had not faded, and he developed a wall around his inner self. Kirk and Spock valued him greatly, but the rest of the crew paid him little mind. He was the doctor, the one you complained to when you caught a cold or injured yourself. The one who knew all of your personal medical information, the one who saw your ugliest moments.

That alone was enough to turn most women away, and it just didn't occur to many more to see the doctor as an available man. Besides, the women aboard the Enterprise seemed to either be infatuated with the captain or his first mate, drawn to the rough and tumble image of command and not to the quiet doctor. They were really missing out, as Leonard was well versed in the art of courtship.

That was not to say he was not active, he did go on the occasional date. Usually by the end of it he felt mentally fatigued and even more alone than if he had not sought companionship that night. He did run into the occasional flare, but the enterprise demanded more time than he could give some maiden on a distant planet. He had started self medicating to get through the identical days, but still maintained his health and took a break when he had to.

His loneliness had become a familiar friend, and it became easier and easier to forget. But it never left, and when it surfaced in his thoughts it struck him like Thor striking his anvil, creating a howling storm that ripped and tore at his heart while the majority of the crew lay sleeping.

He did hold insecurities about his age, it's mark creeping across his features. He did not realize exactly how well he carried it, how his maturity distinguished him. _A silver fox,_ I thought lustfully. With that, I shook myself from thoughts of McCoy. My attraction to him had grown over the past week, and I found that he frequented my thoughts and dreams almost every hour of the day. This was very unlike myself, and left an uneasy feeling in my stomach.

He portrayed himself as the simple country doctor, but underneath was a complex adult male. With his above average intellect, it was easy to understand his need for solitude and silence. To mingle and spend time with someone of a lesser intellect was to confine his own mind, a state it could not suffer long. He enjoyed alcoholic cocktails, and his blends were well known. Among his favorites was the classic mint julep, a taste of home.

I found myself craving one, along with his presence. Somewhere deep down, I hoped fiercely that he did not find my company to be stifling. My intelligence was indeed high due to my Vulcan heritage, but it didn't change the fact that you either like someone or you don't. _There I go again! _I thought with ire. Had I not just made a mental effort to not think about Leonard?

Summoning the teaching I learned from the books Spock lent me all those years ago, I banished all thoughts. Not for long, since a small sequence of beeps over the intercom sounded through the halls, warning the crew that their break would end in ten minutes. Back to work again, I thought grudgingly.

"Miss Janda." a small voice said from my right. I whirled to find young girl staring nervously at her shoes.

"Yes?" I replied, growing suspicious. She handed me a letter, a transmission that bore the time stamp of only a few hours ago. She turned on her heel and made to go away, but stopped mid stride to hold her neck as if she were choking. Using my abilities, I sensed another presence squeezing the life out of her. As my consciousness touched it, an electric jolt rocketed through my body, sending icy spasms from head to toe. I felt as if I had been hit on the head by a hot pan, and my hair was hot to the touch. The girl fell to the floor, dead. In the silence of the hallway, I decided to read the note.

_My dear Rota,_

_I am sorry for leaving things the way I did, but you understand all that. You must also understand that I cannot let you run free. If I so much as hear a distant rumor that you have said anything against me, or if your audio log somehow finds it's way back to earth, I will hurt Kara in ways you could not imagine. Speaking of your beloved 'sister', stay dead to her. Toodles._

It was not signed, but it did not have to be. I knew who it came from, Captain Alexander Albinson. He could not intimidate me, and Kara was much smarter than him in all ways. He could break her heart, but I'd like to see the day he tried to physically harm her. I pulled a communicator from my pocket and paused for a second. It did not seem right that I should notify the captain first, though it was my duty.

_Leonard, I'm in the first section of deck C. A girl is dead, hurry._ I sent the message out and knew it hit it's mark. With a flick of my wrist I opened the communicator and paged the bridge. To my surprise, the voice that answered was not Captain Kirk.

"Bridge here, this is Spock." his voice was monotone, even a little bored sounding. Well, now he had something to get excited about.

"Spock, Deck C section 1 there has been a death." I said shortly, sending the rest of the information telepathically for him to pick up on, feeling pressed for time.

"Spock out." He replied smoothly, and I couldn't help but feel relieved that Kirk had not picked up. Telepathy was an easier form of communication for those who were practiced in the art, definitely much faster and less frustrating than verbalizing thoughts.

Well, the girl was definitely not starfleet. At least that would make this whole event less of an issue, leaving us with enough time to sleep tonight.


	7. Shore Leave Part 1

Chapter 7: Shore Leave Part 1

_The stars shone brightly and three moons hung in the sky, illuminating the foliage around us. Leonard smiled gently and leaned in to kiss me, so I casually responded as the cool breeze rose to nip our faces. The encounter caused my heart to swell with affection, and happiness permeated my being. Apart from the sound of insects and animals, the night was quiet. It's silence stretched deep and wide, and wrapped us in a blanket of tranquility. _

_The gentle splash of water nipped our boat and occasionally rocked it from side to side. We drifted lazily for a while, neither one of us wishing to break the silence. I turned on my side and admired Leonard's form in the silver light of the moons, his high cheekbones and the curve of his jaw. His hair was soft under my fingers as I traced the strands of gray that were starting to peek through at his temples. His vivid blue eyes danced like willow-the-wisps. If they were, I would be happy to be lost among the mists._

_"__What do you see when you look at me?" He asked somberly, and I sensed he was testing me. He found me quite attractive, and had his doubts weather I would be attracted to him under normal circumstances. I pondered this for a moment, for my response could either break walls or make them. I really did not want to make them, as I had grown extremely fond of the Doctor._

_"__I see a dashing, bold man. You are as calm as the sea but in your eyes burns an inferno! Your wit is amusing, and your compassion is remarkable. You are so smart, and I admire your resourcefulness. How many times have you saved the crew of the enterprise by creating the cure to a new, unknown and utterly horrible desiese? Even when infected yourself, yes, I've been listening to the ship's records in my spare time. _

_I admire your dedication to Kirk and your role aboard the enterprise. It is relaxing to be around you, we both like to unwind in the same way. You are patient with me, and gentle. You seek the truth, and are content with it even when it is not glamorous. Sometimes, it is hard not to notice too much of your physique. Your handsome face, deep blue eyes. I have to admit I find the gray in your hair attractive. Your scent comforts me, and I also find it arousing." I paused and noticed a blush creep over Leonard's face. A handsome smile glimmered in the moonlight, and I wished this moment would never end._

_"__I feel the same way." Leonard said without thinking, reading me through the bond effortlessly. _

_"__You are so beautiful Rota, every inch of you, as if you are made from the heavens above. You are Calm and wise beyond your years, but with a distinct fire that draws people to you like a magnet. You are so capable, brave even in the face of death. You also do not take what we share lightly, seeking to know and accept me, as no woman has ever thought to do before. You are a strong woman, Rota, and I am proud to have you at my side." Leonard finished as I felt my eyes start to water. _

_I could do nothing but kiss him in this moment, running my hands along the expanse of his chest, the small curls as soft as down. I let my fingers sink into them as I felt the strong beat of his heart. Leonard propped himself up further and deepened the kiss, a gesture to which I responded in kind. Soon, our tongues were locked in a casual battle and we made tentative explorations with gentle hands. After a few moments of this, Leonard slid the clasps of my bra free. We paused to look at each other then, feeling the weight of the decision upon ourselves._

_"__What will it be like with the bond?" Leonard asked, a damn good question that I had been wondering myself._

_"__I do not know from experience, but it is said to be a union of souls. It is the most sacred and revered rite of the bond..." I trailed off, for the words that came next halted on my tongue. Leonard prompted me, but I was speechless. He did have the right to know everything, so I summoned my courage and forced it out._

_"__Oh Leonard, it is considered the greatest act of love that could be performed between two bond mates. That is how it is viewed on woodfall. For us, it means that it will connect us deeply, and we must decide if we are ready for that." I explained, though I felt l already knew the answer._

_Leonard has met me at every turn, and I have found nothing that could turn me away from him. We shared feelings that I have not shared with any other, and I have been around the block a couple times believe it or not. I may not be ready to say I love him, but I certainly knew he was a remarkable man whom had great potential for love and understanding. _

_I was infatuated with everything about him, extremely. He clouded my thoughts all day and all night, sometimes even distracted me from the grim tasks ahead. We worked well together on the job, using the bond to establish a seamless flow. We both felt like we had been disinterested in finding a mate, only finding trivial flames that quickly burnt out. We both thought we could be content with that, until the bond._

_Now, in light of the prospect of such a meaningful connection, the ache for companionship is more easily recognized when it's end is so close! But those things could lead to irrational behavior, and prompt us to make a judgment too quickly, we both knew this. However, we were human, and the bond was made for the people of woodfall. Our need to touch, to hold, to have sex, was far greater than theirs. Under normal circumstances, we would be able to easily conceal our physical lust and need for contact, but the bond made that impossible when we were in the same room. _

_If the doctor has one thought, it may light a flame in me, and vise versa. In fact, it had done just that many times since we began courtship. It was torture, and the tension couldn't even be cut with a knife, it can get so dense! McCoy understood and agreed with me, and made this clear with his mind. So close, I could feel the hard outline of his manhood brush my thigh. A polite distance, but undeniable and so tantalizing I felt I could spontaneously combust. Leonard's breathing was slightly ragged, and he sat back with a tremble._

_"__Where should we draw the line? Here, or farther ahead? I don't want to ruin things, Rota." he said sincerely._

_"__Leonard, I greatly appreciate your respect." I said truthfully with a large smile, "It is tricky. There are a lot of things we must consider, is sleeping together going to change our relationship? I believe it will." I started, not knowing where to begin and taking a stab in the dark. Leonard made to reply, but the call of a rooster kept sounding in rapid succession of it's self, loud and annoying._

The walls were white, the air was cool and dry, and I was in my own bed. The rooster was my alarm, screaming out that it was time to get ready to perform the day's duties. Today we were scouting a planet with earth-like vegetation and atmosphere, but as of yet no intelligent life, for the long awaited shore leave. I shook my head as I tried to orient myself to my surroundings. The dream had been too real, and I had the sneaking suspicion that it had been a shared dream. If that is the truth, then Leonard is now recalling every bit of it as I am now. I sighed and turned on my shower, setting it to cold to banish the throb of my loins.

Leonard was a tease, and it was starting to become overwhelming. Well, maybe it was time to fight back! The prospect excited me, as it brought me further to what I ultimately wanted, but I was still grounded by the intense exchange that had just occurred. I had meant every word, though I felt as if I had not yet been ready to bare those feelings to Doctor McCoy.

Our next encounter would be strange, and I wondered if the good doctor realized that all the things he revealed to me were now out in the open. I was curious and wanted to search the bond, but was too afraid of what I might find.

I ate some Hasperat for breakfast and drank about three cups of coffee before I felt like I was awake enough to start the day. Finally ready, I dispersed myself and took my place in McCoy's being, efficiently traveling to the sick bay. The nurse had gone to bed early the day before, complaining of her menstrual cycle, and has requested leave from her duties today. As a result, I do not have to stow away on the Doctor to beam down with the landing party. I maintained my walls despite the difficulty being this close to McCoy, and as soon as my energy had arranged it's self again I materialized by his side.

"Good morning Leonard." I greeted. He had sensed my presence and was not surprised, but the same could not be said by a young doctor in the room. He was only startled for an instant, to his credit, and went back to his work within moments.

"Good morning Rota." The doctor's eyes scanned my face and his eyes spoke that he had something heavy on his mind.

"Did you dream of warm summer nights?" I asked, and a shocked expression crossed his face before he schooled it into one of calm contemplation.

"So it wasn't all a dream." he murmured as a flush crept up his neck. I felt the same heat rise to my own cheeks, but I forced myself to be bold.

"I meant every word." My remark had slipped from my tongue to float heavily in the space between us. Leonard searched my face, brows creased and expression unreadable. I sensed he was erecting his own walls while he processed his thoughts, so I respected his privacy.

"As did I." He replied finally, and I knew it was the truth. There was much more I wanted to say. but there was work to be done, so we turned from each other and started to get our equipment ready. Kirk paged McCoy and they held a brief exchange, ending in Kirk's orders to report to the transporter room. We walked sluggishly down the hallway at an intimate space, and our combined smell of soap seemed to hang in the air all around us.

It paled in comparison to McCoy's natural scent, but there was something comforting about being clean. Before we stepped into the transporter room, we paused at the door awkwardly. I went for it and placed a gentle kiss on his lips, and without further ado we met Kirk and Spock. Spock's face was as stoic as usual, but Kirk seemed to be miles away as he made sure everything was in order.

"Good mornin' to ya lass. I was startin' to think you were dead!" Scotty remarked.

"I've been meaning to visit, but the crew has been needy as their fatigue mounts." I explained, earning a small nod from the scotsman.

"Aye, it makes me glad my engines are steady girls." he said proudly, and I smiled.

"Yes, though they are want for conversation." I teased. Scotty conceded the point with a blush as Kirk gave the orders to beam us down.

"Have a safe trip, all of yeh!" Scotty called, and an instant later the foreign scent of a strange new planet filled our nostrils. I began taking readings along with the doctor, and Spock picked up a power grid below the planet's surface. All scanners, however, were not able to read anything past that. Leonard and I began scanning as Spock walked away with the Yeoman.. The trees were remarkable, tall and leafy. They formed a shady canopy that boasted cool temperatures and a fair breeze.

"This is so beautiful..." Leonard wondered as he took readings, "it looks like it could be wonderland."

"Let us hope not, for if you recall Leonard, wonderland is a sinister place indeed." I remarked, thinking of the queen of hearts, the Tweedle twins, and other strange characters that would lead Alice to her demise should she let them. A distant crashing occurred and soon a giant rabbit appeared, wearing a waistcoat and holding a watch.

"I'm late, I'm late!" He shouted.

"You've got to be kidding me." I remarked. The rabbit continued his exclamations before diving down a rather large hole. Soon after, a small girl in a blue dress bobbed up to us. She had golden hair with a silken ribbon tied into the flaxen strands, looking for all the world like Alice.

"Excuse me, Sir." she engaged Leonard, "Have you seen a rabbit in a waistcoat come this way?" Leonard hesitated a moment before pointing towards the rabbit hole.

"Let me guess, your name is Alice?" He asked. She nodded her response before bounding after the rabbit and disappearing down the hole without hesitation.

"Well that was no coincidence." I remarked. Leonard agreed simultaneously, brows drawn. He withdrew his communicator from his pocket and paged the captain to relate the strange events.

"Kirk here Bones. It appears that Spock and Janice have encountered similar events."

"Captain, my scanners indicate that these life forms are similar to the material we use for skin grafts and wound repair. They are not what they appear to be." McCoy divulged, eliciting silence from the Captain.

"I think you're right Bones. Do your best to find out any other relevant information. Kirk out." the communicator chirped before silence permeated the air once more. On Kirk's orders, we went back to scanning. Wandering idly, we were soon enveloped by a thick forest.

"My bones are weary, Leonard. I feel as if I have aged ten years in the one I spent on woodfall. I really do need to exercise more, and practice my combat skills. I could only defeat the romulans using Spock's trick, my technique was so rusty." I sighed and rolled my shoulders. Soon another rustling was heard in the bushes and I felt my gut sink. Quietly, a slim figure dressed all in black appeared.

It approached slowly, drawing a small dagger and short sword from it's back. Leonard and I backed up slowly, not taking our eyes from the figure. Soon it was less than twenty feet away, poised and deadly. It's face was covered by a thin black mask and all that was visible were two glowing red pinpricks. The doctor and I drew our phasers and set them to the highest stun setting possible. It drew closer still, and as it did the Doctor caught me off guard by moving himself closer to the creature. At the sudden movement, the figure drew three sharp throwing knives and sent them neatly through the air. The first one caught McCoy directly in the throat, causing him to crumple to the ground.

"Leonard!" I was shocked, and that brief moment killed me. I felt two points of impact, one in my chest and the other in my leg. The ground rose up to meet me in a swirl of green and brown, drawing closer in what seemed like slow motion. The last thing I saw was the light fading from Leonard's beautiful eyes, the fiery blue fading to a calm gray. Birds chirped, insects sang, and an odd metallic taste pervaded my mouth. Spock's form dominated my vision effectively blocking the painful sunlight from my sensitive vision as he waved a scanner over my body. His words were garbled as a second face swam into view, but my vision was too unfocused to discern who it was. Blonde hair, so I figured it must be Kirk.

_Is this really how it ends? _I wondered in agony, _Of all the things I've done, why is this what kills me?_ before I felt the last breath leave McCoy's body. Then my heart stopped.


	8. Shore Leave Part 2

Chapter 8: Shore Leave Part 2

I awoke to a room comprised of various shades of gray. The structures had odd angles, and I could hear the steady hum of machinery at work, and a lot of it too.

"Leonard..." I rasped and rolled over, surveying the strange equipment.

"I'm here, Rota." His voice was low but cut the relative silence of the room like a knife. He was somewhere behind me, so I stood to greet him. My starfleet uniform was flawless, and I could not feel any pain. I lifted my shirt to touch the place where the knife had punctured me, and it was as if nothing had happened.

"My apologies, Miss Rota." A deeper voice called, alerting me to a humanoid standing quietly in the corner until this moment.

"For what, exactly?" I asked, and then let silence hang between us. The man considered this for a moment.

"This planet was a place for our species to enjoy themselves. Anything you wish, my machines will create. We thought your captain and his crew would enjoy an experience such as this, but we failed to foresee the consequences of letting you explore...uninformed." his voice was very aristocratic, and I thought he would fit in just fine on earth.

"And why would your people create a planet such as this?" I asked, eyes still locked on his. McCoy walked to my side and put a hand on my shoulder, but still I did not flinch.

"We have evolved into a highly intelligent race...with this intelligence comes burden, and the need for..." he trailed off, unable to find the right word.

"Play." Doctor McCoy suggested, and the man took it up.

"Play, very good Doctor. Yes, the greater the mind, the greater the need for...play." the man explained. Suddenly a wave of weariness washed over me, making me want to sit down.

"Lets get back to the surface Rota, and notify the others." McCoy suggested, handing me a glass of what appeared to be water.

"What is your name?" I asked the man, accepting the glass from McCoy with thanks.

"You could not pronounce my full name, but you may call me Shauf." the man said kindly, "Please, let me reunite you with your Captain." he insisted.

Leonard agreed, and because he was my senior officer I had to go along with it. He probably had all the answers to my questions anyway, and I could listen to him record his log entry later. We were lead to an elevator, the box for which was hexagonal shaped and made an odd series of metallic clicks as the man entered the correct data. Soon we stopped for a moment and more metallic clicks sounded, louder this time.

When we began our ascent again, the ceiling sprang up on a hinge and the floor lifted us back into the forested landscape to which we had originally beamed down. We could hear voices nearby as the man lead us steadily in their direction. Upon surfacing into a clearing we discovered the landing party convened, haggard, and stressed.

Leonard began an introductory spiel to bring the Captain around to a more diplomatic mindset for the matter. Then, as if on cue, Shauf related the same information he had stated previously, including some more details about the process they used to patch up Leonard and Myself. The good doctor excitedly chimed in here and there, and by the end of it Jim Kirk had ordered the crew to prepare to beam down for shore leave. The yeoman seemed pleased that the ordeal was over as Kirk engaged her in conversation, and soon they had wandered off in their own direction.

"Are you going to stay on the planet for Shore Leave?" I asked Spock, squeezing Leonard's hand as he threaded his fingers through my own.

"No, Rota." He said and then sucked in a deep breath of air, "I believe that I have had quite enough."

"I figured, but just making sure." I nodded and looked to Leonard as Spock energized back to the ship.

"Well, shall we rustle up some Juleps and comfort food?" I asked. Leonard's face split into a grin as he reached out with his other arm to pull me close.

"Nothing would please me more, Rota, you know that." Leonard laughed, "a beautiful evening with a beautiful woman. How did I get so lucky?"

"I was thinking the same of myself, Leonard, being able to spend this time on a planet that gives you anything you desire with a man like you." I returned the compliment then started to lead us towards a bush that had moved shortly after I mentioned the juleps. Sure enough, there they were and I handed one off to McCoy.

"What sort of atmosphere would you like to create?" Leonard asked, eyes pensive.

"A stand of mangroves with our own little ramshackle looking but inwardly sturdy log cabin. No mosquitoes, a full bar, and a plushly cushioned porch which is also waterproof?" I suggested.

"I can't think of anything better." Leonard said with a laugh. On cue, the ground began to rumble and trees unfurled from below the surface. The fabrication process was taking effect, and we watched in awe as our little oasis sprang from seemingly nothing.

"One hell of a planet." McCoy commented.

"One hell of a planet." I agreed and finished my julep. We picked our way carefully through the marshy waters, though there was a trail of moss covered patches conveniently leading up to the most adorable swamp abode, the one I always kept in my mind eye. When we made it to the porch, it was decked out in cushions so soft they would be reserved only for nobility if it were still such times. They were velvety, comprised of a fabric that shimmered with all the colors of the swamp. Willow-the-wisps danced around in a lazy fashion, illuminating small creatures and beautiful foliage as they danced and bobbed.

"Well, first things' first," I declared as I hefted myself up onto the porch, "We need something to drink."

This made Leonard laugh as he ascended the rickety ladder connecting a small dock to the porch. There was a small skiff attached to it, complete with an old gas lamp. I couldn't help but beam with pride. This cozy scene was from _my_ mind! Taking a minute to survey the beauty that, for a moment at least, is reality, I gave myself a little injection.

The familiar rush came over me, and now the night was truly perfect. I heard the soft wheeze of McCoy doing the same and soon he came to stand beside me. We breathed in the boggy air for a moment as the high washed over us and the chatter of the insects was like music to the soul. I closed my eyes and searched for the bond, finding it instantly, strong and true. Leonard felt my intrusion, welcomed it. As the moments passed, our hearts slowed to the same rhythm and even the roll and tuck of the tide of medicine seemed to be pulled by the same moon.

This was surely a dream come true, so I savored the sweet taste that so few have the opportunity to know. I wished that I could remain here with Leonard for the rest of my days, conjuring breath taking beauty, but know it could never be so. We were both restless, felt the drive to explore new things.

A sudden rush of nausea clenched my stomach as the gaping hole of the future stretched her maw in my mind's eye. The possibilities were grim, and they played out for Leonard and myself in gruesome detail. After Captain Albinson is tried and punished, what then? If starfleet stations me elsewhere, it would damn the good doctor and myself.

We would both be tormented by the bond, pine for the other. We would come to each other every night in dreams but every morning awake alone, the fire of desire never quenched. It would be strange and hurtful to see others, since our bond developed in this way. We shared our darkest parts with each other and had a deep understanding of the other's pain, something we both yearned for in a lover but never felt we have discovered until now. We both loved our dark parts, did not want to change them, to shed them! How wonderful it was, to be able to ride the tide with each other, knowingly and with understanding! Finally, not alone.

"Let us not think of such things, Leonard." I said, parting the deeper connection so we may enter the cabin. Leonard would not let it sever completely, and turned me to face him so that he may speak.

"Rota, Jim agrees with me that you perform more admirably than the other nurses. Maybe not when it comes to direct interactions, but you haven't failed to solve a problem yet. You have a surprising wealth of knowledge when it comes to vaccines and medicine, though the captain did have reservations about why you obtained that knowledge in the first place." he admitted, and I couldn't help but flush with pride.

I had only gotten caught obtaining the knowledge for one of my newer exploits, but I did pull off many before that. Leonard realized this, now looking at me with bewilderment. I gazed at my feet and shrugged, knowing I had nothing to be ashamed of. I had always done straight business, and for a short while I did reap the rewards. It was a fun, reckless, exciting time in my youth and I regretted nothing.

"My point is, I'm sure Jim will give you a permanent position aboard the enterprise after the trial. I will recommend you myself." Leonard was earnest and sincere. It was an overwhelming prospect, but one that was concrete and still by Leonard's side. I still did not know how I felt about being under Kirk's command, but he didn't really bother the crew too much and they all loved him to no end. I thought that this was a good sign.

"Leonard, we both want the things the bond offers very much. But only time will tell if what we have is love or lust or something in between. We have to be careful how we build our steps, because if build them blindly, will they not surely crumble?" I pondered, looking at the greenish moon swimming in the clouds.

"Rota, I believe you are absolutely correct. We will be careful! We will communicate with each other and learn patiently, we will make this last." Leonard assured. I sighed and gave myself another injection.

"But what is the right way for us? We have surpassed the generic behavior code for courtship. We're practically married, we can feel each other always. We have shared dreams, which can be very dangerous. What happens if we had decided to go farther in the dream and, upon waking found that it was shared? How would that effect us?" I continued to speculate as Leonard gave himself an injection, my own prompting his need. I laughed and thought about some of the ways the drug could make one feel. Euphoric, giddy, lusty...the thought of engaging that state with Leonard sent immediate heat to my loins, and I had to scold myself mentally.

With the bond, intercourse was more entangled and complicated than humans made it already. But more than that, did I accept Leonard, wish to embrace him? The answer was yes. That is what I wanted to do, but I knew myself. I had to think this one out. Or did I? I could reject this bond and build myself anew from the ground up, which didn't really appeal to me very much. I did love myself very much! So it was settled. Now the question was directed in McCoy's direction. Did he accept me? Did he accept my passions, my whims, the ways in which I interacted with the world?

I resisted authority and enjoyed playing games with people from time to time. Never would I change that, nobody could _ever_ make a saint of me. It was past that time in my life anyway, I was settled in my ways. Ultimately, I did what pleased me, I had my own values and did what I personally thought was right. I was not afraid to break rules I disagreed with, and had the grace to make sure I didn't get caught doing so. I drank, smoked when I could, and got high. I was responsible, capable, intelligent, and very well balanced despite what most would assume. But if Leonard was to be a part of my life he would have to see and accept the bad. Did the positive in me show enough potential to outshine the negative?

_Might as well get juiced._ I thought, and stood to fix myself another drink. As I stood, I waited for the familiar rush of medicine to take hold of me and bring me someplace warm and comfortable. A few moments passed and still I felt nothing, so I gave myself another dose.

"You better watch yourself with that, Rota." Leonard joked as he administered himself some more. I whirled suddenly and came upon him, livid.

"Could you live with this for the rest of your life Leonard? We could, I absorbed the essence of the woodfall man you killed to save me. It gave us our lifespan, and health. We could keep this addiction our whole lives and not differ much from our condition now. Except the final years, so far away. I don't want to give it up, Leonard. How many years could you spend, countless nights like this? Is this what you want? It is what I want. It is what I have always done and will do, be a vagrant shadow of the night. Would you walk beside me? Long after your friends are dead, I will be the only one left from this life. Am I enough? I am not a people person, Leonard. I am settled in my patterns, too old to change." I felt as if I may cry, so overwhelmed was I by the tidal wave of emotions crashing around my heart. Leonard laughed and hugged me from behind.

"If you're too old to change, Rota, what does that make me? I would spend a century of nights like this with you, and consider myself the luckiest man in the galaxy. We already understand each other through the bond, and we have all the time in the world to work out all the bugs." Leonard's voice was low and soft, powerful emotions swirling through the bond speaking volumes of his desire for the bond, for me. I turned to face him and was struck by the way the moonlight illuminated his beautiful eyes.

"What's behind those blue eyes? I feel your pain, Leonard." I held my hand up, and he brought his own up to meet my embrace. Instantly I felt his ache, the desire for the loneliness to end. His admiration for my courage, passion, and wisdom. He conveyed to me that he felt as if for the first time someone truly understood him, a feeling that was shared by me, intensely!

I wanted my loneliness to end, ached for it as the tide began to carry me away once more. I let myself relax into the medicine, and soon calmness reigned once again. The time for drama was past, and now was the time to be lighthearted. Leonard agreed with me through the bond, so I contemplated what a good activity would be.

Closing my eyes, I envisioned some long lost tools of the past that rose easily from memory to dance before the inky depths of my mind's eye. The now familiar sound of fabrication rustled the bushes on a nearby patch of dry land crowded with shrubs, and I bounded excitedly over to extract my regal pipe and a rather large bag of dried herbs. If we were going to get cozy, this would amplify the feeling.

"Its been a long time since I've seen that." Leonard said in an appreciative tone, landing awkwardly on a rock behind me. He swayed for a moment and then recovered, taking the bag from my hands and smelling the contents. I prepared the pipe and handed it to Leonard, he responded gratefully and filled his lungs with the smoke. As he handed it to me, the smoke pervaded the air and nothing could have smelled sweeter. Inhaling in the same fashion as the doctor, I savored the sweet and bitter taste in my mouth and exhaled through my nose. A moment later, I felt a delightful sensation sweep my limbs and some of the day's aches fade away. The cold knot of tension loosened, and as we burned through the night I started to feel almost happy.

Leonard and I sat back among the cushions after a small conversation at the bar and admired the stars. He shifted an arm across my shoulders and I leaned into him, letting his lips find their destination. I could taste the alcohol on his breath and mine, and soon I found a dry feeling had invaded my mouth. I paused to take a drink of water and handed the glass to him also. He set it aside and took a moment to study me, causing the tension in the air to grow. He leaned in for another kiss and I responded slowly yet passionately, running my hand under his shirt to feel the smooth skin of his back, muscles taught from the effort of holding back. _Gods! The few nights we get to make our dreams come true, literally, and can we not make this one true, also? _I asked myself without realizing Leonard would be privy to those thoughts. Instantly his desire was fueled on, but he was still holding back. Finally, the tension had to break one way or another so we decided to break apart for a short intermission. Taking the time to get reacquainted with our vice, we pondered the question we now had to face.

"Leonard, this is the perfect time. We an create any atmosphere we want, be more alone than we ever could on the ship. If we want our first time to be magical, this is our chance. How long can we deny what we have yearned for every night we have spent together?" I said, wanting to give in to the passion I felt for him.

"Rota..." his voice rumbled lowly, and I felt the hardness of his manhood against my thigh, obvious proof that my words had reached him. Looking into the depths of his blue eyes, it was easy to see the raw ache, passion, and torment. I knew what he wanted, and I was willing to give it to him. Sliding my hands under his shirt made the bond more instant, accessible. Soon I felt his telepathic intrusion, the want and need for the bond.

It came as a surprise when I found myself feeling the same way, wanting to feel the intensity of the bond with one hell of a country gentleman. We removed our clothing and made curious inspections of the others body. Leonard was fit, though I could see the mark of the drug upon him as surely as he could see it reflected on my features. When we were human, we understood the price, something that we were both willing to pay. Oddly enough, I found it attractive.

His skin was warm and soft against mine, though his hands were rough as they made their gentle passage over my body. He lowered his lips to my breasts and gently teased my nipples, sending little waves of pleasure through my torso, reaching lower to tantalize my flower. Reaching between his legs, I gently cradled and massaged his testicles earning an encouraging moan. Leonard's whole body had become very still, minus a slight tremble that grew as his euphoria mounted.

Something strange happened as we entangled ourselves, a sort of tingling sensation that sent shivers all up and down our skin, exciting and pleasurable. The bond deepened, further than I had ever experienced before, as if I could see and smell and feel all the parts of his mind at once.

Leonard's energy rushed into me and mine into him, until our it was neither his nor mine but something new, something stronger! We kissed furiously as Leonard nudged my legs wide with his hips, then suddenly we seemed to be on the edge of a cliff. The bond jerked, everything seemed to darken around us save for the cushions in our immediate area.

A soft white light enveloped us, illuminating our features clearly to the other. The bond spread and our souls were laid bare, I could see Leonard's love, talents, passions! But also his jealousy and anger, misery and pain. His loneliness, his addictions, everything. As it was with myself, so he could see my own flaws and talents, and anything beyond. It was clear what this was meant to be, a final chance.

Everything was laid bare now, so we could truly see who the other was before the bond brought us so close we could never part again. So I looked, and I saw every part of Leonard. All the ugliness, the annoying habits I would have to face. But there was so much good it outshone the bad, this I was sure of! He was passionate, tender, loving, gentle, smart, and his dry humor matched my own. Handsome and quick witted, and despite his age and vices has taken pretty damn good care of himself. He was resourceful, talented, and romantic.

We felt each other weigh and decision and come to the same conclusion. Leonard readied himself, and we both moaned as he entered me. The white light came crashing into us, and we were at once one.

Sometime in the morning, for the sun was still low on the horizon, I awoke with a very familiar and distinct feeling churning in my stomach. My back hurt, for I was laying on part of the dock that was not cushioned, and there was a mass chunky vomit floating in the waters below. At the sight, I loosed another wave into the inky depths, only for it to rise with a few gasses it had knocked loose from the vegetation. Wiping my mouth and groaning, I crawled to a softer area and made a survey of myself.

My clothes were free from anything terrible, but they were crumpled and I felt very dirty as pleasant memories from the previous night finally rose to the surface. Leonard was still asleep, though something seemed distinctly different. Upon inspection, I discovered through the bond that my metabolism had slowed slightly, and his had sped up. Our heart rate was in sync, and some of the lines on his face had faded, a fact that I found myself feeling a little rueful about- I adored him just as he was.

If the lines had faded from his face...I leaned over the water and looked at myself in shock. The reflection did not look like an old woman, nor did it have wrinkles, but I did look older. It was a shock to see, and part of my natural instincts wanted to be sad. It's not like I would age any farther for another hundred years, and the look did suit me. Of course it did, it was what I would look like in about six or seven years. However, in fifty years I would look as I am now, and I did seem to look more respectable with age. A grin crossed my face as I wondered how Kara would react to my new look. She would probably be shocked, but understand quickly and be happy for me. After all, Kara understood well that everything had a price, having fought damn hard to get to where she was today.

I lit a cigarette and felt it settle my stomach a little as I strolled back into the cabin. I had imagined an elaborate bathroom the night before, and stepped wearily into the shower after discarding my soiled uniform. Another wave of nausea hit me as the water warmed my blood, sending me stumbling quickly to the toilet to viciously expel foul bile. The heaves lasted longer than there was liquid to bring up, so I sat in the shower and waited for them to quiet down. Despite the warmth, I felt as if my hands and feet were going numb as the drug left my system and sent me into withdrawal.

"Now, we're not having any of that now." I sang to myself before hanging half out of the tub, drying my hands and preparing another injection. Soon, the terrible ache in my bones subsided and I was wrapped in the familiar cocoon of bliss that the drug brought on. Leonard's intrusion was almost instant as he began the ascent from the foggy realm of dreams, and soon he was making similar discoveries to my own. Soon, he searched the bond to discern my location and made his way to the bathroom.

"Rota..." he had no words for what he saw in my face. Guilt washed over him, as he surmised that the blending the bond was the cause of my condition. He felt as if he had taken the last of my youth away, though others had done that long before he was even on the enterprise. He felt as if he had stolen it away to himself, though he had no knowledge of what the bond would, or could, do. I conveyed my feelings on the matter to him, and made a point to tell him that I would not age further for longer than most lived. Soon he was appeased, and stepped into the shower to rinse away his own grime.

_Well Leonard, it has truly been a long time since I have had so much fun!_ I communicated as we lathered our bars of soap. McCoy began washing his body first, and I my hair.

_Rota, you make me happy._ Leonard replied, free for just a moment to bask in the glow of our mutual affections. Soon we were finished, but required new uniforms. That was easy enough, for as soon as we realized the need there were already two waiting for us near the front door of the cabin.

Now it was time to start making our way to the rendezvous location and prepare to beam back to the ship. Cups of coffee in hand, we emerged from the cabin one final time to find Spock waiting for us, sitting on the end of the dock and looking contemplative. I felt his mental intrusion, inquisitive about my change. Welcomed, I related the events of the night before and the effects I had noticed. Leaving some details out, of course, but it was tricky with telepathy.

Spock stood and came to survey Leonard, who met his gaze unflinchingly. Why he would perpetually consider Spock a rival, I would not know. He did hold a strong fondness of the Vulcan despite their feud, and would sacrifice himself should the need arise. Feelings like that would be a tricky situation now that both of our lives were at stake. That's the real pain in the ass about the bond, you can't be a hero.

"It is time to return to the ship, Doctor." Spock said finally, the ghost of a smile on his face. Leonard fumed, and I couldn't help but giggle.

_Oh Leonard, leave Spock alone. He has emotions, you know so. Why should you have to rub his nose in it at every twist and turn?_ I asked Leonard, sending soothing energy through the bond. Leonard recoiled, leaving me feeling somewhat deflated.

_It's a long story, and most of it I wouldn't know how to tell._ He shot back, and I lamented the spoiling of our happy fog that had guided us through the night. Well, it was a brand new day anyway, time for coffee and drugs.


End file.
